I know the idea of being intentionally manipulative in relationships is off-putting at best, but hear me out: When you first start dating someone, the idea is to find out as much as possible, as soon as possible, to serve the goal of figuring out if you’re ultimately compatible with each other. And there are certain big issues – insecurity, likeliness to cheat, reliability in a crisis, whether or not he just wants sex – that are better answered sooner than later, before anyone invests any significant time or feelings.
Unfortunately, you might not get the answers to these questions soon enough if you don’t take matters into your own hands. None of the following things will hurt anyone. I fully support being honest and sincere in relationships – but I also advocate being smart. The following six things are harmless – but super effective – ways to get a better idea of the person you’re dealing with. Any woman who knows what’s up won’t hesitate to pull these moves.
If you’re around the same height as a guy, wear heels as early as possible in the relationship, preferably on the first few dates. Not the very first date because you want to see how he acts when you aren’t taller than him too, but soon after, strap on your big girl shoes and see if he’s uncomfortable. It’s a terrific way to see how secure of a person he is – if he feels weird walking next to a tall, sexy, unicorn lady, then he’s very likely harboring some gross, macho, insecurities.
Send in a spy
If you suspect the person you’re dating might be cheating, or would if the situation was right, enlist the help of your hottest (and most trustworthy) friend who he doesn’t know, and have her show up to a party he’ll be at but you won’t, or one night when you know he’ll be out at a bar with his friends. Have your friend flirt and ask super interested. See if he goes for it.
Fake sick before sex
When you first start dating and you know that a particular night is likely the night you’ll have sex for the first time (you’ll know), tell him at the last minute that you’re not feeling well. He already had plans with you so it’s not like he can say he’s busy. If he offers to hang out anyway and keep you company, even though he knows there is unlikely to be sex happening, he’s awesome. If he tells you to feel better and he’ll call tomorrow, it’s hard to judge. But if he acts annoyed, chances are he’s more interested in sex than he is in you.
Fake an orgasm too
Fake an orgasm the first time you have sex, unless he happened to magically know how to get you off the first time you sleep together, which rarely happens. Learning each other’s bodies takes time, and while I don’t support faking orgasms in general, faking it the first time can give him the confidence to be extra eager to have a lot more sex with you, during which time you can give him pointers as to how to actually get you there.
Fake a crisis (this is the last thing I’ll tell you to fake, promise.)
Fake a crisis. Nothing too serious – a sprained ankle or a flat tire – and don’t do it too early in the relationship, but preferably before any actual crisis happens. The goal isn’t to get attention, but to see how he responds in these kinds of situations. There’s really no wrong answer – some people simply aren’t the take-charge type – but either way, it’s nice to know how much you can count on them if shit gets real.
The first time you have sex at your place, pretend to not have condoms (but you definitely always should have condoms, of course.) Maybe he has them with him, which is the best possible outcome. But you’ll actually learn more about him if he doesn’t: Any decent guy will either nonchalantly forego intercourse and be like, “Oh well, we’ll be more prepared next time”, or will offer to run out and get some (if he does this, that would be the time to pull the “Oh, look, I found some!” move – don’t actually force the poor guy to make a trip to the bodega.) But if he suggests just doing it anyway, he’s kind of a shitty dude. Like, no matter what kind of birth control you’re on, if you just started sleeping together, it’s not time to ditch the condoms yet. A good guy will not only know that, but will respect you enough to not even entertain the idea of having sex without a condom so soon.