Thought Catalog
December 19, 2016

Stop Playing Games And Just Let Me Love You

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What is the issue?
mespilman
mespilman

This might scare you, but I know what you’re capable of.

I know you’re capable of something real. I know that if you honestly wanted to, you could be an incredible partner for someone. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’ve always felt potential when you walk in the room; maybe not always potential for us, but just to be something great for someone. You radiate a lot of things, boy. You always have.

Yet despite how much potential is there, for one reason or another you’re determined to keep it underneath your skin. You crave mystery the way others crave devotion. You say you want something authentic. You swear you want to be open, want to be vulnerable, want to be honest, and maybe you do. Maybe somewhere in your mind, you desperately desire to be all of those things. Yet every action you’ve put out, it screams the opposite of the quiet words you whisper.

It doesn’t create a mystery, it creates insanity.

It causes those on the other side to question what is so intriguing about keeping yourself at a distance, so enticing about showing up and disappearing? What is so incredible about games and mixed signals that you would choose them every single time above something genuine- above a real relationship? It makes someone wonder why you’ve chosen those routes so many times that by now, you’re just so good at them- it’s not even difficult for you anymore. It’s too easy to find people just as caught up in your mysteries as you are.

But me? I’m not good at games. I’m not good at being vague or smoke and mirrors. I’m not good at being mysterious, because I always strive to be open and honest in every facet of my life. I’m not good at hiding parts of me away to disguise myself, because I spent too long disliking the person I was; now I’m proud of her and refuse to be ashamed. I am good at going all in without thinking twice about it. I am good at being patient, because I want someone to be patient with me. I am good at sticking things out when they get difficult, because I don’t believe in giving up until you have no other choice.

I am good at real. And this might scare you, too- but you just might need someone like me to push you where you want to go.

I’m not scared of you and your history. I’m not one to shy away from your dark parts. I’m not someone who thinks your mysteries are honestly who you are, though you’ve done a good job of effortlessly weaving them into the fabric of your life. I’m not someone who is fine with ordinary, or content with average- when I commit myself to someone, it’s something passionate, something worth fighting for.

So maybe, just maybe, I’m not what you want. I may not even be the right person for you, but I think it’s time to own up to the fact that if you’re honestly wanting something real, then you need someone who isn’t going to mirror your own qualities right back to you. You don’t need someone good at mystery, because you’re good enough at that for you and one thousand other people. You need someone who is going to challenge you- not because they are vague or closed off, but because they are pushing you outside of this box you’ve surrounded yourself with. Because despite how uncomfortable you may be with being open, they’ll push you there simply by existing- because being open is their very nature.

This might scare you, but you just might need me. TC mark

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