Thought Catalog
June 20, 2017

Love Me When I’m Not My Best

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Ayo Ogunseinde

Love me when I’m falling apart at the seams. Love me when I’m sobbing on the bathroom floor afraid that if anyone were to see me, the real me, they’d run away. When I’m a mess of snot and red eyes, a picture I wouldn’t want exposed on social media.

Do me a favor and love me then.

Love me when my anxiety has its grip on me. Love me when I’m checking the locked door a thousand times and can never remember if I turned off the oven. Love me when I am telling you the same story for the 15th time and you don’t have the heart to tell me.

Love me when I’m working through my trauma. When I’m at my therapist’s office more often than I’m at the bar with you. When I’m addressing things from my past that make current me want to hide. Love me when I’m distraught and repressed memories are bubbling to the surface.

Do me a favor and love me then.

Love me when I’m trying to be a better person. A better daughter. A better friend. A better sister. A better human being. It’s a process. And I’m not always my best self. I’m not always the person I strive to be. But I try. Love me when I’m trying.

Love me when I’m crying hysterically. When I’m gasping for air and no one else wants to look at this crumbling cliffside. When I’m barely keeping my head above the tide. Please, please. Love me then. Love me when I need it most.

I will not always be beautiful. I will not always be picture perfect. I will not always be the girl you first fell in love with.

But if you love me, love me then. And now. And all the moments in between.

Because if you do, I promise this is the real thing. I promise to love you back tenfold.  TC mark

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