Thought Catalog
May 3, 2017

10 Micro-Habits That Are Keeping You Single

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Twenty20 / @calebthetraveler

1. Still being connected to past loves (ones who really hurt you) on social media.

The subject of if you can ever really be friends with an ex is still up for debate, but that’s not what we’re discussing here. Some relationships will always carry more meaning than others, and if you were the one who ended up hurt, it’s difficult to fully move past that. Seeing visual reminders of the person who totally broke your heart can keep pulling you back to that space. If you really want closure and the kind of healing that would allow a new relationship to blossom, you need to stop following your ex online. Press that unfollow or hide button and move on.

2. Functioning under the mentality “I’ll just wait until so-and-so is single.” 

We’ve all got that crush that for whatever reason isn’t going to happen. They’re unavailable. They live in a different timezone. These are our fantasy people. We keep the idea of them tucked away for a day when maybe it could be a possibility. But waiting around and pining for something that may or may not ever happen is keeping your heart inaccessible to people who could actually be with you.

3. Having a very specific idea of what your true love looks like, physically.

Having a type is fine. We can’t control what we’re attracted to. But shutting people down because they don’t fit every category on your check-list means you might be missing out on really great people you could be compatible with. Absolutely don’t force yourself into anything you aren’t into, but go into situations with an open mind.

4. Competing with your exes.

They have a new significant other so you want a new significant other. They just hit a major milestone, so now you need to hit a bigger one. This will lead to inauthentic relationships because you’re not really investing in love. You’re just trying to win the break up game.

5. (Consciously or subconsciously) wanting other people’s relationships to fail.

You reap what you sow. Misery loves company and we’ve all been guilty of being a bit voyeuristic about peering into other’s relationships. But putting that negative energy will come back to you. Karma usually gets the last laugh.

6. Expecting love to feel like it did last time.

Every relationship is different. Love will never feel the same way twice. Comparing every current emotion and feeling to what you’ve experienced in the past is setting up unrealistic expectations. You are always changing and evolving. The way you love will too. Honor this change and treat every individual moment as something new.

7. Oversharing online. 

Yes, I get the irony in this post being online. And as wonderful as our generation is at opening dialogues and fostering new forms of connection, there is such a thing as too much. Allow someone the chance to get to know you. If they can learn everything there is to know just by a quick Google search, that leaves very little mystery. Discovering each other is part of the fun. I’m not saying you need to eliminate social media because it’s a great tool. But be purposeful in how you use it.

8. Regularly spending time around people who are in unhealthy relationships.

We absorb what we’re around. If the only examples of relationships you’re witnessing are unhealthy, you might mimic those behaviors in your own dating life. Going after emotionally absent people. Getting stuck in something with zero momentum. Being in off-again-on-again situationships. You’re modeling what you see in front of you.

9. Never leaving your bubble.

Staying comfortable is easy. It’s safe. Netflix and chilling in your sweatpants alone is definitely needed from time to time. But if you never leave your bubble, if you never put yourself in new situations where you can meet new people, you’re not going to be meeting anybody. Hard to fall in love if you’re not venturing beyond your apartment.

10. Being overly critical of yourself.

Never forget, confidence is sexy. None of us are perfect. We’re all got issues and flaws and areas of ourselves we wish were a bit different. But someone who believes in themselves is going to be far more attractive to be with than someone who belittles themselves every chance they get. I know it’s tough to put into action, but practicing self-love goes a long way. Own the badass that is you and you might be surprised who comes along to join you in that love. TC mark