Thought Catalog
April 14, 2017

I Never Thought I Deserved A Love Like Yours

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@saltinourhair

I don’t know if I’m supposed to admit something like that. I’m supposed to inherently believe I’m worthy. I’m supposed to look myself up and down in the mirror and love everything. My flaws. My marks. All of it. I’m supposed to stand strong in my beliefs and know that my kindness, my goodness, my big heart means I deserve a grand love.

But I never felt that way.

It’s not that I hated myself or anything like that. Like any woman, I have days when I’m filled with doubt. But I also know my good qualities. I’m faithful and will do anything for my friends. I’m diligent in my work and go above and beyond when someone asks a task of me. I’m accurately aware of my strengths and my weaknesses.

When it came to romantic relationships, I never intended to settle. I wasn’t going to be with someone just because. But I also wanted to be realistic. I didn’t want to sit around like some delusional-way-too-old-to-be-believing-in-Disney-love girl. I’d seen them my whole life. I’d seen the quotes and the posts and the people talking about soul mates. It all seemed a little too good to be true, quite frankly. It felt like everyone was romanticizing love and maybe injecting just a bit of reality was necessary.

I went on dates without sparks. I ended up in relationships that were nice. 

Not amazing. Not butterfly inducing. Just nice.

And nice is…well, nice. 

You shocked my entire world when we met. You broke the very foundation I’d built for relationships. I thought passion was something that faded.

I didn’t think I deserved a love like yours because, honestly, I didn’t think a love like yours happened.

You were written by Nora Ephron. Couldn’t be real. Couldn’t be someone I ended up with because perfection doesn’t exist.

And you’re not perfect. You’re not written by Nora Ephron.

You’re better.

You’re not a figment of my imagination and there are days we drive each other insane. But the love is so good. The love is so powerful, so palpable that even on our worst days we’re better having each other.

Thanks for being the love I never thought I’d have. Thanks for everything. TC mark

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