Things That Don’t Impress Me Much
Before I even begin to discuss anything, let us all take a moment to remind ourselves of this legendary song by Shania Twain:
Before I get attacked from all the online powers that be, because of my subject line, will everybody take a moment to remind themselves that we are all allowed to decide for ourselves the things that we find attractive and unattractive. Now that I’ve given that disclaimer, I want to discuss some of the things that don’t impress me much that guys sometimes do in an effort to communicate interest.
1. Talking about how much money you make.
I’m not under any illusions that as far as long-term commitments go, money doesn’t matter — it does. But you know what else? I believe in financial independence, as much as is possible in my early twenty something stage. I mean, good for you — you’ve got your finances in order but guess what? I’m not any more interested in you because you are making lots of money if I’m not attracted to you and find your personality dull. Also, FYI – talking about how much money you make is a little tacky, especially when you’ve just met someone.
2. Checking out every girl that walks past you.
Like, really? This is one of the most unattractive things that does not get called out enough. I get it, there are a lot of pretty girls and that’s fine – take a look dude, appreciate the beauty. After all, we’re just talking in a bar. But must you really check out every. single. girl. that walks past? It’s gross and a future premonition.
3. Being abnormally vain.
A guy once struck a conversation with me at a restaurant while I was waiting for a friend. During the fifteen minutes we talked, he honestly must have checked his reflection in the window, the plates, and the restaurant glass at least 768368 times. Okay, it wasn’t that much but I was so turned off that I was counting the seconds in my head until my friend got there. It’s good to be proud of how you look but there is a limit. Yuck.
4. Being mean to other people/Making fun of other people to get attention.
Getting people you’re interested in, to notice you can be very intimidating. I understand this, first-hand. But when I see someone I could potentially be interested in being mean or making fun of people in a nasty way, I automatically shut down. I have a sense of humor and my friends and I constantly give each other crap because that’s how we roll but there is a fine line, especially when the victim is clearly uncomfortable. It actually makes me think you’re a bully and an absolute jerk.
5. Trying too hard to sound smart.
Intelligence is sexy but trying too hard to sound intelligent is not. Yeah buddy I’ve read Foucault too but you quoting him every five minutes is unattractive. Also, do you know what’s really attractive? When people talk about things they know rather than things they don’t. I’m more impressed by people who can teach me something new rather than those who pretend to relate to something because you think I might find it interesting.
This is the absolute worst. If you just stare, I don’t know whether you’re interested or not. Either man-up and approach, or give a sister a hint so I can woman-up and approach. Or just take a damn picture already. Staring won’t keep either of us warm in the middle of the night. Just saying.
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Dear Liam, I know who you are. I know what you want. If you’re looking for ransom, I can tell you I don’t have money, but what I do have is a very particular set of skills.
18. It helps if your cat can grow a mustache.
Meet him young, at a time when you’re not old enough to realize how precious he is.
By its very nature as a rigorous athletic sport, basketball discriminates in favor of the young.