February 25, 2013

11 Effective Responses To “Why Are You Single?”

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If you’re single and a somewhat decent human being, you probably get asked from time to time, “Why are you single?” While this is a sort-of compliment, it is also one of those questions that is sort-of annoying, and having a good answer to this question can be difficult. But I have come up with some great responses that you can use, mix and match, and that really should leave both you and your inquisitor satisfied.

Here are my 11 effective responses to, “Why are you single?”

1. Because I’m on a dating fast except it’s not really a fast as much as I feel like I’m in the desert and I am barely surviving. The food and the water, like potential relationships, are really just a mirage. Wait….what was the question?

2. Because, Because… (Sit in silence for 30 seconds and then just burst into tears and leave the room.)

3. Have you seen the other single people in this city? They are all either drug-dealers, on drugs, unemployed, have self-esteem issues or all of the above. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

4. Because the love of my life is [insert celebrity that is completely unattainable] and if I can’t be with them, I don’t really want to be with anyone else.

5. Like Emily Dickinson, I am seeing what happens when the sun and fog contest the government of each day. When the sun takes out it’s yellow whip, and drives the fog away, I will no longer be single.

6. Money over everything. Money on my mind. I know you’re wondering when it got so empty. I apologize, it happened over time.

7. Why are you single — the question that philosophers, psychiatrists, psychologists, business experts, botanists, astrologists, astronomers, academics, mechanics, writers, marketers, journalists, politicians, prostitutes, and the guy working at my neighborhood Irish bar wrestle with.Yeah…. I don’t think I know the answer either.

8. Why aren’t you single? (And walk away)

9. Well I sort of made this bet to see what would happen to me first — me finding a significant other or being declared insane. I put my money on being insane and I can’t really afford to lose right now.

10. Isn’t it obvious? People are afraid of my ninja abilities.

11. Because I figure I’ll wait till I find someone who I’m really interested in giving my time to. Someone who makes me feel wonderful and who feels wonderful with me. Life is too short to not be with someone I truly deserve, you know?

*Honorable Mention Response*: I’m an unapproachable pansy.

So fellow single people, aside from these awesome responses, how would you/do you respond to, “Why are you single?” TC mark

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