24 Signs You’re Actually Lorelai Gilmore
By Koty Neelis
1. You think the best way to rate the take out restaurants in a new neighborhood is by ordering something from everywhere and judging the hotness of the delivery drivers.
2. Your personal mantra is: “Life’s short. Talk fast.”
3. You keep the fridge stocked with nothing more than leftover Chinese food, candy bars, cookie dough, and canned frosting.
4. You break out the Bop-It to ease socially awkward situations.
5. You consider yourself independent, assertive, free-spirited and opinionated.
6. Sometimes you say words that don’t really make any sense, like “brazzlefrat.”
7. You see nothing wrong with doing an entire load of laundry to only wash your pair of dancing Santa Claus socks.
8. You consider pizza one of the major four food groups.
9. You don’t like problems. You avoid them whenever you can and hate people pointing them out to you.
10. When faced with an impending deadline or tough decision your favorite response is “reality has no place in our world!”
11. You need an IV of coffee at all times preferably.
12. You know the best way to get a good seat at your favorite diner on the weekends when it’s busy is to hover over people until they leave.
13. Sometimes you heat your socks up in the oven.
14. You find personal amusement in wearing a shirt that says “pornstar” to dinner with your parents.
15. You consider yourself flexible; as long as everything is exactly the way you want it.
16. You’ve named your pet Paul Anka.
17. When you die you want your tombstone to read: “I’m going to the coat closet to make out. Don’t eat my chicken.”
18. A perfect snack is a mix of tator tots, mallomars, donuts, and pop tarts. All at once.
19. You have an ex you sometimes think you’d get back together with if only the timing were right.
20. You believe holding a grudge helps burn more calories.
21. You know if you went to Paris the only thing you’d want is a cheeseburger with a side of cheeseburger.
22. You yell “copperboom!” whenever you want someone to hurry up.
23. You see no problem with walking down the aisle holding pot roast.
24. When you order coffee you always yell “Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!” because saying it once doesn’t seem like enough.