December 1, 2016

To The Girl He’s Cheating On With Me – I’m Sorry

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I can bet you probably hate me. I’m sure words like slut and whore have gotten thrown my way or will in the future, if you don’t know yet. But one day you will find out. And when you do, he’s gonna try and sweet talk his way out of it, like he tends to do so gracefully.

But I’m sure you’ve suspected something for a while now. Maybe I carelessly left something at his house or in his car that he swore was his sisters. Maybe you got a wiff of my perfume even though he changed clothes every time.

You know that itch you can’t scratch but you’d rather be in denial than face the truth? I’ve been on your side of this, for so long I hated the girl. But what I didn’t realize until I became her was it’s him that’s at fault, it wasn’t her and it isn’t fully me.

Sure it takes two to tango but I couldn’t help that I fell in love with someone who wasn’t mine but I wanted so desperately for him to be. I believed his lies as we laid in bed and talked about a future I knew would never be. He talked about the day he’ll leave you but I knew they were just words because he went home to you every night saying ‘I love you.’ I believed it when he told me that too.

And I know I should have had enough self-respect to walk away sooner but love has a way of making you do stupid things. Love makes you believe these lies. Love allows you to see exactly what you want and blinds you to what you don’t.

It was the calls late at night that gave me something to hold onto. But deep in my heart I knew if he did like me as much as he said, he would be with me and he isn’t. It was him spinning this web of lies he so beautifully crafted and me falling for it.

It’s was all a game. He told me the rules and I played by every one of them.

It’s the pictures we weren’t allowed to take. The places we weren’t allowed to go. The people I wasn’t allowed to tell. It’s the name changes in his contact and the fact I could only call him on his work phone. It was the defeating feeling at 3 AM as I watched his car drive away and all I ever wanted was for him to stay.

But more than anything I’d like to take the time to apologize. Not just for participating in such a triangle of self-inflicted heartbreak but I’m sorry he doesn’t respect and love you enough to stay loyal. I’m sorry you’re dating someone who isn’t worthy of you. Because if he was, I wouldn’t be in the picture. The truth is though, if it’s not me, he’d be cheating with someone else. That’s the way cheaters are.

I love him very deeply and it took everything in me to walk away because I wanted someone who wanted only me.

I didn’t want to be someone’s side chick. I was tired of being his best kept secret. But more than anything I realized I didn’t want to participate in something that would cause you the same pain it caused me when I was in your shoes.

It’s common for girls to get pinned against one another but the truth of the matter is we’re both simply in love with the same man. While I’ll own up to the mistakes I made I couldn’t have controlled that happening. I wish it hadn’t because now my definition of love is one which is tainted.

If you guys do stay together I wish you the best and from the bottom of my heart I am sorry for the pain I’ve caused you or will cause you when all of this comes out. The thing about the truth is it always does reveal itself and the bigger the lies the more it’ll hurt someone. While all of this hurts me I know it will hurt you more and you don’t deserve that neither of us do. TC mark

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