I don’t know if you know me. Maybe my name has been brought up in passing. Maybe it hasn’t. Maybe I’m completely something of the past, that has been forgotten.
But for me it’s that past that haunts me like a catchy tune on repeat.
It comes with regret sorrow and heartbreak to admit the man I fell in love with didn’t love me back, more so, didn’t love me the way I needed, the way I deserved. And I see you two across social media and in the few and far conversations we have, he tells me how happy you make him.
Maybe a lifetime ago I would hate you for that. I’d be overcome with jealousy and have something nasty to spit about someone I don’t know. But that isn’t the case because he is proof that when you love someone, you want what is best for them, even if it doesn’t include you. The truth is you did something I tried so hard to do. Your love and acceptance of him turned him into the man I always knew he would be.
I am his past and you are his future.
As a boy, I saw glimpses of the man I knew he would be one day. And I hung on for so long thinking just maybe if I loved him hard enough, I’d get that future. But it came with much disappointment every time he let me down. And I used to tell myself give it time, you’ll get it right.
But the hardest thing to accept wasn’t that time was the factor to get him to mature, it wouldn’t be until the right person stood beside him that he could change on his own terms. And it breaks me to know I wasn’t that person for him even though I wanted to be.
The hard truth is you can’t love someone into loving you.
I began to realize we were standing there face to face and all we had in common was a past I clung to and a past he wanted to forget. There was nothing new to say to one another and it left us with no other choice but to part ways.
Conversations became awkward and short. And I remember sitting there reaching for his hand as he pulled away. “There’s someone else.” I knew in my heart there had to be. And I wasn’t overcome with great sorrow at first. It was more of weight lifted off me because here I was trying to save something that had long ended.
But there are a few things you should know as you are now the object of his affection, and as you are now the one deserving of the love I pined after. Give yourself credit for the being the woman I couldn’t be. But I ask you to love him. Accept him. Listen him to talk about a past he regrets and remind him that is doesn’t matter. It was all a story that ended, even me. The sooner he accepts that, the sooner it won’t hurt him.
Don’t hurt him. He’s known enough pain in his life and he doesn’t need to be let down by you too. He is the best person I know, flaws and all. I wouldn’t change anything about him so please don’t try to. There will come a day where you get the proposal I always dreamed of. You’ll get the family I always wanted to marry into. You’ll get the family I always thought would be ours.
Realize how lucky you are and don’t ever take it for granted.
Because when that day comes maybe I’ll be standing there as you walk down the aisle and I’ll be overcome with joy that brings tears because you taught him to believe in love. You showed him happy endings do exist. You did something I was never going to be able to do.
So as you continue your life with the man we both love, the man of both of our dreams, I kindly ask you to take care of him.