Thought Catalog
July 23, 2015

19 Signs That You Literally Give Zero F*cks Now That You’re In Your Mid-Twenties

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Parks and Recreation
Parks and Recreation

1. When people invite you to social outings that you don’t want to go to, you don’t come up with any particular excuse. You just say, “No.” And it feels exquisite.

2. When you experienced a friend getting engaged for the first time, you were like “OMFG WEDDINGS YAS LOVE.” But now when it happens, you’re just like, “Aw. Good for you. Brb I need to order a pizza.”

3. Forever 21 is a young man’s game. If a retail store stresses you out and only carries clothes that seem to be made for American Girl dolls, you’re done.

4. You’ve started referring to high school students as “children” or “youths.”

5.  You don’t make any attempts to hide your hangovers anymore. They happen so easily (like, 2-3 beers easily) that you don’t even fight them. You just let them take over your soul.

6. Your weight fluctuates more than Chandler’s. And it’s whatever.

7. In your opinion, looking like you showered is now the same thing as actually showering.

8. “Does anyone have any Pepto-Bismol?” is something you frequently utter during dinner with your friends.

9. Brunch has become more about the quality of the bacon than about the deals you can get on bottomless mimosas.

10. Every year you tell yourself that next year is the year you will start contributing to a 401k. And then that year rolls around and you postpone it again, because you have to buy important things this year, like a quesadilla maker.

11. When someone tries to start a political discussion at a party, you just look at them like:

12. Dressing uncomfortably is for awkward tweens. These days, you’re all about wearing your favorite t-shirt during a night out.

13. People you know are getting engaged so often these days, that sometimes you hear about an engagement and then honestly forget that it happened a few days later.

14. You do think some engagement photo shoots are sweet. But there have been others that have popped up in your newsfeed and caused you to unintentionally say “Ew” out loud due to the cheesiness.

15. You’re less concerned with how good you look for work today and more concerned with how long you can hit the snooze button before you have to crawl out of your cave/bedroom.

16.  Life is stressful these days. So if you need a good cry while riding public transportation, you’re damn well certain you’ll make it happen.

17. If you go to a concert or a club that’s just loud and annoying, you don’t even bother pretending like you’re having fun. You just leave because, food.

18. Instead of obsessing over the crazy antics of young celebrities these days, you think things like I’m worried about that child or Are they eating enough?!

19. Joining a gym is for recent college grads. You’d prefer to just live in a 4th-floor walk up and leave the house every once in a while. TC mark