Thought Catalog
March 6, 2017

12 Men Explain Exactly How Much Space They Need In A Relationship (And Why)

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iStockPhoto.com / Epicurean
iStockPhoto.com / Epicurean

1. “Any person who respects themselves should be comfortable with their own company. Space is vital – without it we’d all suffocate or get lost in each other’s ways. I like women who have their own plans, friends and individual activities. I can learn a lot from another person’s agenda, and I believe so can she from mine” – Cecil, 28

2. “Generally, if I date someone, I don’t want to give up all the things I do in first place for myself (e.g. my hobbies, my time alone, my hangouts with buddies). Seeing the woman I like is one thing, spending quality time with myself and my friends is another, and she shouldn’t be upset I don’t want to take her everywhere I go” – Matt, 28

3. “I like to have a lot of spare time for myself, especially because I work late hours and I seldom get a chance to rest. If I’m with someone, they should respect that and not take it personally – she should be able to understand what it’s like to work hard for something and still keep a balance between work and recreation” – Gary, 32

4. “Women have this idea that we don’t like them if we don’t want to do everything together. We do, we just don’t feel comfortable to share entire chunks of our lives with someone else, some things should be private and some things should know boundaries. It’s not disrespectful, it’s common sense” – Alex, 27

5. “Space is very important for me, that’s why I never moved in with any of my girlfriends. She can sleep over a couple nights a week and I can crash her place once in a while, but I just don’t feel eager to share my entire living space to someone.” – Bennie, 30

6. “My ex and I both used to work from home. We also lived together in my studio apartment. It was fun in the beginning but we soon realised it won’t last long like that. It felt like sharing a cubicle with my partner and that cubicle was where we also slept, ate or had sex. She was chatty and I have a hard time focusing on two things at a time… I started to get angry because I was constantly running late with my clients and I told her to find a remote office to spend her working days. She didn’t see this as an issue, and things started to get jumpy between us. We separated on good terms eventually, but I’d never, ever try this again at home”. – Marc, 27

7. “Space is essential in any relationship. At least if you want to make it functional. I myself had troubles understanding this as a younger man and always felt like I wasn’t getting enough from my relationships. Now I know it’s important that both partners have their own lives outside a relationship and stick to their individuality… You can’t lose yourself in someone else” – Mauricio, 34

8. “I really don’t need a lot of space, but when I need some time off it’s important that my partner understands that without looking for secret underlying motifs. I’m lucky enough to have a girlfriend who gets me and leaves me plenty of alone time whenever I feel like spending a day or a weekend by myself” – Martin, 25

9. “The idea of space is greatly misinterpreted in today’s dating culture. I feel it has to do with the same issue as looking for a cure for your problems in your love life/spouse. Consider this: another person won’t fill your emptiness if you can’t already sit with yourself and feel right about it. I tend to avoid women who want to spend every single moment together, introduce me to everyone they know in the first week we’ve met or try to move in together too soon” – Alfred, 29

10. “Exactly how much space is hard to determine. I don’t have an issue with being very close to my partner. I do have a problem though when women can’t respect my limits and try to push my boundaries so that I presumably change. I don’t need to change, you need to consider your own expectations” – Andy, 30

11. “If we have a heated argument, I like taking some time to cool off by myself. If you keep pushing my buttons and expect me to keep fighting you in hopes we make up right away, you’re just building a bigger fire” – Frederic, 27

12. “I’m not a morning person. This is the truth about me. I like to wake up and get ready for my day without having to chit chat about it with someone else. Women hate this, but it’s not something I can help or want to change really. I’m very active during the day and I need those quiet, clear mornings to just listen to a record, drink my coffee alone on the terrace or jog. No hard feelings, ladies” – Paul, 31