Thought Catalog
October 31, 2016

I Dropped Out Of College To Save Myself

Report This Article
What is the issue?
barnimages.org
barnimages.org

I know that I might be the laziest person alive. I could sleep all day and not bat an eye. I want to work an hour a day and subsist on love and books.

Yet, I don’t want a fallback.

A fallback is nothing more than a symbol of fear. Well, I could always learn to program if writing doesn’t work out. I could get an entry-level job in my field if my poetry doesn’t work out. I could always do this soul-sucking thing. I could always do ‘insert another boring job’ and choose to live a life that’s slowly draining the marrow from my bones.

I didn’t drop out in a big explosion.

I didn’t celebrate.

I just kind of stopped going.

And I trusted myself.

We believe we always need permission from something other than ourselves to pursue something we care about. How fucking backwards is that?

I want to paint the sky. I want to travel. I want to start my own farm. Oh okay, you better get the right degree first. You better do A and B and C and probably even D, and you should probably ask for permission to do that too.

You know, because you wanting to do it isn’t good enough.

There are a few words I have for that.

They’re vey eloquent and soft.

Fuck that noise.

Look. You only have one life. One fucking life. And that life isn’t in the future. It’s the one you see in front of your face right now. You know the one where the days merge together and the fantasies of the future are more real than the dull and dreary existence you’re living and breathing.

The future is not real.

Your fantasies will never come true.

Unless you jump. Unless you burn your bridges and take that fiery intensity to create a life you actually give a damn about.

You don’t need to read another book. You don’t need another degree. You don’t need an older person to tell you what you need to know. You don’t need anything, but yourself.

So, I ask you:

What bridges can you burn?

What are you waiting for permission to do?

Well, here’s your permission slip, I even left some blanks for you.

“I (insert your name) finally give myself permission to fully pursue the life I give a damn about. I give myself full permission to (insert the thing you really want to do).

Sincerely,

(Your name)” TC mark