We as human beings talk a lot about love.
I think it’s because whether we admit it or not, our biggest fear isn’t heights. Or spiders. Or being in small spaces. Or snakes. Or even Donald Trump. (Jokes…that last one is pretty scary.)
Exaggeration and sarcasm aside, none of the above are our biggest fears.
Our biggest fear is, without question, dying alone.
So we think about soulmates. We dream about forevers. We paint a pretty little picture of what that person looks like, how they walk down the street, we hear the cadence of their speech in our heads. We envision this metaphorical person who is so perfect, so ideal, that they will fill the them-sized-hole in our hearts and complete us.
They’ll finish us.
They’ll keep us from being alone.
Because while we might brag about confidence and self-assuredness and self-completion to any ear that will listen, the honest truth is very simple.
We don’t want to be alone.
We want to believe that there really is someone out there who is biologically, psychologically, hyperbolically perfect for us. We want to hold out for that soulmate, for that person. For that special someone who will be our forever.
But there’s one little problem with that fantasy.
And that’s that it’s just that.
It’s just a fantasy.
Love is great, people are great, soulmates and being in love are great. It’s all great great great. But the fundamental, unspoken thing that none of us wants to admit is that when you put your trust in people, there’s always the chance that you won’t have them anymore.
Even if they’re your soulmate. Even if they’re your fantasy.
Even they’ve said forever.
People, as remarkable and magical and soulmate-y as they may be, are inherently temporary. They come with promises, sure. But a promise, as heartwarming as it may be, isn’t a definite. It’s not a guarantee.
A promise, is still not a forever.
The reality is that there’s really only one definite, one guarantee, and one person that you can count on to be your forever in this life. One person who you can put your trust in and know what to expect, one person you can unquestionably rely on to be there on your good days, your bad days, and everything in between.
And that is you.
The honest to god, unedited truth about your “forever person”? It’s you.
You wake up with yourself and you go to bed with yourself. You’re there when it’s sunny and lovely and all smiles all the time, and you’re there when even just moving from your bed to the shower is an accomplishment. You know yourself inside and out and no matter how you feel about the person in the mirror, you know that you can’t go anywhere.
The only person you can fully rely on to be a forever? It’s you.
And maybe that’s pessimistic. Maybe that sounds unbearably lonely.
Or maybe it’s just a sign that you need to love the fact that you get to be with yourself, and be there for yourself forever and always, a little bit more.
‘Soulmate’ runs off the tongue very prettily and the idea of someone by our side is never a bad thing. But putting all of your stock in another person is risky, it’s a gamble.
And putting your stock in yourself? Well…that’s not only brave. But it’s strong. It’s confident.
And it’s a confidence that will ultimately make you a forever person.
Yes to others. Yes to your family. Yes to even the strangers you encounter in your day to day.
But most importantly, it’s that self-actualization that will make you the best forever person you can be for yourself.
Which, at the end of the day, is all you will ever really need.