November 30, 2016

11 Signs Your Ex Was Never Actually Dating You (Because You Made The Relationship Up)

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What is the issue?
Clem Onojeghuo
Clem Onojeghuo

1. He never texted you. Granted, you never texted him first—and also he didn’t have your number. But you spent a lot of time scrolling through his Twitter. So it was like you were dating.

2. He never asked you any questions. In fact, he barely said anything to you at all. Mostly because you two had never met and he has almost no idea who you are. But still. You found his childhood home on Google Earth. This is unrequited love, right?

3. He didn’t get along with your friends. That’s because your friends spent a lot of time reminding you that your ex wasn’t actually your boyfriend and that you needed to stop being so fixated on him. Your friends are very hard to win over.

4. He would post photos with other girls. That was pretty inconsiderate because he also made his Instagram public, so like, he should’ve assumed you would be seeing those posts when you did your hourly rounds through his social media accounts.

5. He never formally introduced you to his family. You still know everything about his Aunt because she showed up in your LinkedIn suggestions. She went to UC Berkeley and studied environmental science. You would so get along.

6. He didn’t want to be seen with you in public. Hmm, well, technically he just never actually saw you in public. To clarify, you two have never been in the same space (public or private) together.

7. He didn’t bother to learn anything personal about you. There was one time you thought you got a notification that he started following you back on Instagram—but then you woke up.

8. He didn’t care that you didn’t like his friends. You subtweeted them constantly. And it’s like he didn’t even bother to consider your feelings when he stayed friends with them anyway—despite how devastatingly clever those subtweets were.

9. You were way more emotionally invested in him than he was in you. Mostly because, again, he didn’t know who you were. And also because you just fell in love with his Twitter.

10. Honestly, he never really expressed any interest in you at all. Sometimes you’d find yourself gazing at the empty chair in front of you at coffee shops and wonder why the hell he hasn’t bothered to fall in love with you yet.

11. He was two-timing you. He totally had a girlfriend during the same time when you were fantasizing about dating him. Who does that? TC mark

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