August 31, 2016

If Your Overly Attached Girlfriend Wrote Your Password Security Questions

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What is the issue?
Tim Gouw
Tim Gouw

1. Do your friends like me?

2. Who is your most recent search on Instagram?

3. What was that name of that friend you said you were with the night of the 10th—the one you said you definitely couldn’t cancel on so we could go to the couple’s yoga class I signed us up for?

4. Did you ever hook up with Jenny?

5. Are you mad at me?

6. Don’t you agree you’re acting kinda weird?

7. Who were you texting that night two weeks ago when I asked you if you knew what song was playing in our uber and you said you got distracted and didn’t hear it because you were on your phone?

8. What’s wrong?!

9. Is it me?

10. Did you have fun out on your “Guys’ Night”?

11. Why did this girl just follow you?

12. But, like, were you ever “dating” Jenny?

13. What would you do if I told you I stopped taking birth control?

14. If you had to pick: me or your mom?

15. Did you get my texts?

16. How long would we have to be dating before I can move in?

17. Are you thinking about me right now?

18. Are you listening to me?

19. Is there someone else?

20. Who is she?

21. Why did it take you 22 minutes to get home? When I looked on Google Maps, it says it’s only supposed to take you 13.

22. Do you think my sister is prettier than me?

23. No, but seriously, did you sleep with Jenny?

24. What was your childhood pet’s name? TC mark

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