1. You would crumble under the stress you felt when you couldn’t find a carrier pigeon to send a love letter to your crush.

2. Or, even worse, the anxiety you’d feel when you sent your crush a long letter in your best calligraphy and they responded 3-5 business days later with just “k.”

3. You lied at least once about having Yellow Fever to get out of gym class.

4. You and your siblings would play with rolling hoops for hours. If you were feeling really adventurous, you’d pan for gold in the nearest creek. Most of the time though, you just kinda threw rocks at things.

5. Cocaine was the answer to all of your ailments.

6. Everyone in your class was named either Walter or Bessie. Bessie always wore braids and was almost always a bitch to you.

7. You always daydreamed about marrying Walter when you both turned 15.

8. After school activities included turning up to your gramophone. You didn’t care what your dad said—ragtime was lit.

9. But sometimes you did think you were born in the wrong century because you would do anything to see Beethoven live.

10. You couldn’t wait to turn 12 so that you could finally start working.

11. You knew about Thomas Edison before he became too mainstream.

12. You thrived when kids got in trouble in class and had to press their nose against the blackboard until the end of the school day. Especially when it was that asshole Hugh.

13. Taking your family Christmas card was the worst because it literally took forever for the camera to actually take the photo and Jane always ended up blinking every fucking year.

14. You dreamed of getting a thoroughbred horse for your sweet sixteen.

15. You remember Utah entering the Union.