December 1, 2016

A Thank You To The Man I Thought I Would Marry

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Tyler Rayburn - www.instagram.com/tylerrayburnphotography/
Tyler Rayburn –
www.instagram.com/tylerrayburnphotography/

Throughout our relationship and because of you, my life changed. Two and a half years. That was the time that we spent growing, what we thought was together, but also individually as this is the time in our lives for that. You started your career as I continued to work towards finishing my degree. We began thinking about apartments. Dreaming of our own fixer-upper before moving into a larger home after we began having perfect little kiddos. Where was the breaking point? I couldn’t tell you, but things add up and we aren’t always sure how to express things in relationships as we just think and try to make it better without making a fuss about it..

We tried. We tried so hard to make it work.

Thank You

For helping me get to know myself. Those years were monumental, life changing times in my life where I grew and I matured, and you guided me through that. Your lack of support for my passions made me realize how much I value them. You insisting I cut my friends off made me realize how much I love them and need them in my life. It wasn’t all bad though. In the beginning, you really helped me grow as a person. You guided me to this chapter of my life and made me realize my calling to serve. You gave me the courage to do things I otherwise may have not done…

For helping me mature. Remember the beginning? Things were kinda crazy. But you stuck close anyways. You scolded me when I needed it and you showed me how to be kind to everyone I meet. You taught me not to speak harsh against people. You taught me how to be on my own a little bit without filling my life with outside distractions like social media. You taught me to be patient and understanding. I think one of the biggest things you taught me is that you don’t have to have bad days, but to keep a healthy mind and be content. I used to be one emotional girl. Two years ago I was constantly in my feelings, these days while I recognize my emotions, I know how to self-soothe and trust in Him. I thank you for all of these because they have shaped me immensely.

For helping me grow in my faith. Having someone keeping me accountable and practicing my faith with me was one amazing experience. Before you, I knew in my heart what my beliefs were but wasn’t committed in it. These days, it’s my life. Worshipping fills my life and it has lead me to an amazing ministry that I am crazy about. My contentment comes from the Lord. Even here today, as I am adjusting to a new life, I am trusting in this decision because I know it was right. You know that saying, “They’re either a blessing or a lesson”? Well you taught me so many lessons and for that, I am grateful. You were a blessing in those seasons of life. But now, I wish you the best and wish for you to grow your relationship with the Lord so that you can feel this peace, too.

For the opportunity to prove to myself that I am self-sufficient, that I am ambitious, and that I can prioritize my dreams. I never thought I would pick myself over a dreamy boy who held my heart so tight. But I did. I am choosing myself as I know that is what God has intended for me in this season and I am grateful. I know that I need to live life to the fullest. You just never know when it can be taken from you.

For loving me. Through the good, the bad, and the ugly you stood there. Things were so ridiculously difficult. We fought so much throughout the entirety of our relationship, but there were really good moments too. You showed me raw love that I never knew was possible. You cared for me when I was sick, you changed my oil, and you knew exactly how I take my coffee. I thought those things were magic. They were so appreciated, so were you.

For letting me go. Life is beautiful and it is crazy. This curveball though, I am not sure how I didn’t see it coming. I thought this was it. But let’s face it, the months leading up to the fallout… they were ugly. They were tear-filled fights, endless disagreements, and misunderstandings. I still just thought it would get better. Until it persistently got worse. Neither of us should have to go through that.

So, here is to going out in this world, adjusting to a new life, and wishing the best for one another. I hope you find peace, but I appreciate the role you played in my life and that won’t change. The bad was really bad, but it helped me get to know myself and who I really am. Through the bad, the control factor, the lack of support, it all helped me grow.  So, thank you. TC mark

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