25 Things You Should Have By The Time You’re 25
1. A steady job.
2. An up-to-date resume.
3. As much as it pains me to say this (and it really does), a developing professional network.
4. The ability to do your own taxes without the help of your parents or your one CPA friend.
5. An e-mail account with a mature address. (Note: By “mature,” I mean not the same one you’ve had since high school and haven’t bothered to change. For example, my previous e-mail address included a mildly inappropriate reference to an episode of Seinfeld for upwards of 7 years. Doesn’t look good on a resume.)
6. Health insurance.
7. A banking account with a balance of more than $100. (At the very least.)
8. Your own place.
9. A stable romantic relationship.
10. A satisfying sex life. (Needless to say, how you define “satisfying” is entirely up to you.)
11. A group of loyal and supportive friends.
12. A cohesive wardrobe. (Which includes: For the ladies, a pair of sensible heels. For the fellas: a pair of sensible…loafers, I guess. And blazers.)
13. An ever-increasing degree of self-awareness.
14. Self-esteem. (But not too much.)
15. The ability to handle your liquor.
16. At least one near-mythical story about that one time when you got way too drunk.
17. Similarly, at least one “horrible date” story.
18. A recipe for Apple Brown Betty and/or meatloaf. (Don’t ask me why. It just seems like something you should have.)
19. Framed photographs of your grandmothers.
20. A modest collection of books.
21. A nightly skincare regimen.
22. A relatively consistent exercise routine.
23. A passable knowledge of basic home repair.
24. The ability to locate Croatia on a map of the world.
25. A sense of direction. (Literally and metaphorically).
Bonus: 5 Things You May Have by the Time You’re 25 (If You’re Anything Like Me)
1. An insulting amount of student loan debt.
2. A subconscious resentment of your mother and/or father.
3. The delusion that you have a truly great book/album/screenplay/etc. in you.
4. An endless arsenal of highly specific and seemingly useless pop culture references.
5. A graduate degree that you don’t know exactly what to do with.
I am very newly 25, and to be completely honest, I don’t have many of the things on this list, but the fact that I freely admit that to all of you, dear readers, suggests that I do have number 13 in spades. However, despite my lack of an age-appropriate (and perhaps culturally-mandated) level of togetherness, I’m doing just fine. And so will all of you.
A cute, bespectacled boyfriend would be nice, though.
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It started with a right swipe, a little green heart. Tinder of course.
Though I acknowledge and appreciate the differences in human experiences, and while your heartbreak is (and always will be) uniquely and completely your own, I must urge you to consider that I have been where you are.
With his hat cocked back, body tilted away from his cane, and right forefinger pointing directly at his audience, Joseph Ducreux commands the attention of those viewing his self-portrait.
I was born in 1990; he was born in 1973. I’m 23; he just turned 40.