September 13, 2011

How To Love A Boy

(As a straight girl.)

Give him a break. He’s not that guy you dated two years ago who cheated on you and lied about it. He’s someone different entirely; so don’t tar him with the same brush. Maybe he will cheat on you too. Maybe he won’t. But give him a chance to be the man that you deserve, because that’s the least you owe him. Holster your weapon and trust him because it will hurt him more than you know when the woman he loves only sees the devil in him.

Mind his privacy. Don’t go through his things or his phone. The only time I’ve pried into someone’s privacy, and likewise, all the times my friends have, we have successfully found what we were looking for—but that doesn’t make it right. Be generous with him and give him the benefit of the doubt. If your spider sense is tingling do yourself a favor and confront him head on.

Cut him some slack. He’s a boy at heart. Maybe he was playing PlayStation for too long or kicking the footy with his mates and an hour elapsed after the time he promised he would call. Maybe you had to call him to remind him he was running late to meet you. Don’t be angry, he has the best intentions. Time is allowed to slip away from him when he is having fun–it doesn’t mean he loves you any less or that he’s doing the dirty on you. If he is, you’ll just know, so until/ if that happens, just relax.

Be patient with him. Let him be forgetful and let him make mistakes, he will learn from them, I promise. Don’t strike out at him when he forgets to bring home the eggs you reminded him seven times already to pick up from the store. If you want eggs, stop being a lazy goddamn bitch and go out to get them yourself. Take responsibility for the things you want done, and know that when it really means something, he wont let you down, even if the banal everyday tasks you want from him seem elusive. If he’s good enough for your love, he will be bringing you Friends DVDs and chicken soup when you’re sick or driving you around when your car is being serviced, even if he didn’t bring you a copy of Vogue on his way home from work like you asked him to in the morning. And he will probably do you those other kindnesses without even being asked.

Let him treat you sometimes. He might want to buy you an ice cream or a whole dinner, and it means something to him to be able to give things to you, so don’t be an indignant independent woman about it. I bet Beyonce lets Jay-Z buy her dinner from time to time, because a man reserves the right to do things for the woman he loves without her being a snarky bitch about it. And on the flip side, a woman is allowed to enjoy being spoiled every so often. Also, even if you don’t like what he’s giving you, be grateful anyway—chances are he’s put a lot of thought into it and even if it’s not entirely to your liking it doesn’t mean he doesn’t “know” you. It just means he’s a big fat silly, but completely adorable, boy.

Likewise, feed your man. Forget all the dumb shit you read in magazines about women’s rights involving neglecting household duties. Being a working-woman AND a domestic goddess (even if it’s a rare occurrence) are equally sexy and legitimate. Do things because you love him, like cooking a decadent meal that you can share (the key is in the shared moment)—you’ve done it for your girlfriends, I know you have. Your man is no less worthy of your wonderful cooking just because he’s a man and you have some misplaced sense of feminism.

Be kind to him. I know it’s hard when you’re hormonal and he’s breathing in that annoying way you hate and trying to tell you jokes when all you want is to watch the Kardashians do something rich, but he’s just showing his affection. Fight your urge to scream names at him and just breathe—if his worst crime is just being there for you when you’re down then you’ve got no right to be a heinous bitch.

Communicate with him. In the event that you just HAVE to be a heinous bitch, because let’s face it, sometimes you just do—let him know. Tell him, “Honey, I’d like my space now and if I don’t get it I’m going to go all Julie Cooper-Nichol on your ass and it’s not going to be pretty.” Don’t say “Nothing” when you’re mad at him and he asks you what’s wrong. He’s not a mind reader, even if you desperately wish he was. And it doesn’t mean diddly squat if he can’t figure out what “nothing” means. Babe, I don’t even know what “nothing” means and you and I are joined at the sisterhood.

Let him breathe. Give him space. Hell, you need it too! You can’t be together 24/7, nor can you be in constant contact. Let him have his boy’s night and let him return to bed with you at whatever silly hour he sees fit, reeking of cigarettes and alcohol. You do the same. Fall drunkenly into his arms in the still early morning hours and laugh as your recall stories of your evening madness to one another. Pass out wrapped in each others arms and wake up hungover so you can hate life together in the morning.

Give him all the things you expect from him—trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, generosity, kindness, companionship and understanding. Don’t sweat the small stuff and let the trivialities go. Being a ball-breaker is not cute, although nor is being a push over. Chose your battles. Don’t fight when he forgets the eggs but give him what-for if he bequeaths a genuine injustice upon you (which I can tell you now is happening far less often than you really think it is). Be demanding and let him do the same. And don’t forget to tell him you love him everyday, because if he’s forgetting the eggs, chances are he might be forgetting that too. TC mark