Thought Catalog
March 9, 2017

An Apology Letter To My Heart: I’m Sorry I Keep Breaking You

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What is the issue?
Allef Vinicius

I’m sorry he suddenly left you, maybe he didn’t mean to do it that way but either way it wasn’t something you deserved.

I’m sorry for letting you cry until you fell asleep, every time you woke up wishing you never did because you’d rather sleep than feel that heavy feeling in your heart.

I’m sorry for not letting you eat and just stare at your food. As much as you need to eat, I know it was hard because of the pain you felt.

I’m sorry for making you question your worth because of what he did. You were enough but it was not something he could handle.

I’m sorry you can’t trust guys anymore, they aren’t all the same I know, you gave all your trust to him knowing that he would never break it but newsflash he did, more than you could have imagined.

I’m sorry you felt ugly and unwanted for a long time because of how he left and thinking if you were that easy to just leave behind, maybe you weren’t someone worth keeping.

I’m sorry for every story you heard about him that bothered you for not just hours, but days,  thinking why he did that and is he doing okay.

I’m sorry that you miss him everyday and his family members, I know they left a mark on your heart as well but sweetheart, that’s part of the heartbreak.

I’m sorry for letting you cry in school every time you saw him, every time you remembered something about him because that place was filled with memories.

I’m sorry for drowning you in sad music and movies trying to release all the pain you felt, maybe it was therapy but it hurt more than it should.

I’m sorry for assuming that he was sad as much as you were, making yourself feel like he still cared but in reality, he was okay without you because there was already someone else to fill the void you left.

I’m sorry for not letting you relax and breathe when you remember him, reliving the last moments you shared. It was torture, but those memories broke you yet at the same time still made you happy.

I’m sorry for all the times you cried and wished he was still with you because of all the memories you remembered and wished you could still have.

I’m sorry for all the regrets you may have. I know you gave your all to love him but he didn’t see that I guess.

I’m sorry for letting you think of fictitious scenarios of what could have been and for all the times you were drunk and cried because in your heart you knew it was still him.

I’m sorry for all the boys you kissed and thought that they would be enough to fill the void but honey I’m sorry they just played you.

I’m sorry for the drunken nights you mistaken a feeling for love, when you hoped he would treat you right but no, he was treating you that way because you were drunk.

I’m sorry for all the false hopes these boys gave you when they texted you and pretended to be interested, a pretty face is all they saw but your soul they didn’t dare to know.

I’m sorry for looking for love at the wrong places because you missed the feeling of being loved by someone. It wasn’t a quick fix to whatever you felt.

I’m sorry for the times you bumped into him, into them in school actually. I know your heart dropped knowing that he isn’t yours anymore and he loves someone else.

I’m sorry for all the photos and things you had to store away because those simple objects hurt you more than it should because of all the stories behind it.

I’m sorry for telling you that you were okay and you moved on because in reality, you just played yourself convincing that you didn’t love the guy who put the stars in your sky and the guy who let your heart beat a thousand times.

I’m sorry he cheated on you, I’m sorry he didn’t see all your efforts and your worth, I’m sorry you still wanted to forgive him after all he did, but thank God you didn’t because to he honest, your love is too much for him to handle.

I’m sorry that you were stupid enough to believe that he could still be yours, he left you for someone else yet you still felt at some point that he would still choose you.

I’m sorry he didn’t realize he hurt you this much but most of all, I’m sorry you had to go through this.

I’m sorry to myself, I deserve better than this. Thank you for letting me feel this pain, it was somehow beautiful to realize my worth through pain.  TC mark