October 14, 2016

Never Let The Ones Who Help You Grow, Go

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Ben White
Ben White

In this crazy thing called life, many obstacles are thrown at us. Knowing who is there for us is extremely important in helping us determine how we react to those obstacles. Nobody walks life’s path alone.

With the help of family, friends, significant others, and even acquaintances we somehow get through those troubles, right? Does this mean that every person who helped you through that one tough time will always be there to help you? You have no idea and the sad truth is- probably not. Then again, who does know? Who knows if that same family member that helped you the first time will be willing to help the next time; who knows if the friend who you thought you could go to for anything will be there; who knows if you will still be with that same significant other the next time around; who knows?

At different points in our lives we come across people who we “think” will always be there for us. When we come across bumps in the road on this journey, we encounter school problems, drama, break-ups, work problems, friendship break-ups, family difficulties; you know this list can go on. These people that we “think” are going to be there forever, may not be. Forever may only last a few weeks, months, or years.

As we grow up, we typically go through many friends and friend groups starting from our elementary school years all the way up until we grow old. We don’t know that the “best friend” we have in 3rd grade will be the same best friend that will be our maid of honor at our wedding. We don’t know if any of the friends we had, as adolescents will be the same that will be there when we get married and have children.

You think it is awesome to have many friends, but would you rather have many friends and every single one is fake or have one friend and he/she be the realest person out there? In my eyes, I would rather go through life with that one friend who is going to be real. See, the way I see it is that I want to be there for those who mean something to me and who will be there for me. I’m the friend that’s always there for others; I’m a dependable person. Even if I’m at my ‘worst’ or at the busiest time in my life, no matter what, I’m there. From being this type of person I began to realize two things:

#1: with expectations comes disappointment.

#2: people don’t always do for you what you do for them.

 Let me elaborate for a minute on those two things… 

You can’t just expect people to be there for you, you have to know deep down that they will be there. This comes from one thing- the other person. The other person needs to make you feel as though they will always be there. You can’t just assume they will be. After they make you feel that way, you need to determine if they will do what you do for them. I’ve come across way too many people that I would do more for them than they would even think twice about doing for me. Who needs people like that? It’s as if I pick them up when their down and they leave me on the ground. Doesn’t sound fair, right?

As I grew up more, I finally began to learn the difference between whom I need and who needs me. I don’t need someone who isn’t true to me, I don’t need someone who is fake, I don’t need someone who talks behind my back, I don’t need someone who isn’t there for me. I need trust, honesty, a helping hand, someone who is there for me, someone who is real, someone who is going to help me grow. It is extremely hard to find people with those qualities these days. It might take years to finally come across one or more friends that are that way. Let me tell you one thing though- when you DO find friends this way, don’t ever let them go, EVER. These are the ones that have proven to you that they are there to help you grow. They proved to you that they won’t let you down. They support every little decision you make. They are simply ALWAYS there for you. How do you know they always will be? Now this falls on you. You need to trust yourself as you trust them. You need to believe in them and be there for them as they are willing to be there for you.

When you meet special people in your life like this, keep them close to you. They will be the ones to pick you up when you’re down. When you find those who are there to help you grow, you begin to realize that they really are there for you and you start to look back upon who “said” they were going to be there and you question yourself. You can’t look back in the past and think you had friends that were dishonest, not trustworthy, or fake; you simply just have to thank them in your mind. Thank them for realizing what you really deserve. Thank them for being a learning experience in this thing we call life.

We all know one important phrase: actions speak louder than words. So if someone can’t prove to you that they can help you grow, don’t waste your time proving to them that you want to help them grow, because in reality, you don’t need someone like that. TC mark

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