Closure Is A Privilege Not Everyone Can Have

My inclination to be in situations where things are always left hanging has always marveled me. Chapters left unread, gifts left unopened, Music put to a halt, doors left unclosed, projects left unfinished.

I have always believed that closure is a privilege not everyone can have. But lately, I have been thinking that it is something that everyone deserves.

When we start opening up to someone and feel the connection, everything always seem to be in sync.

You make plans together and you build a future that feels like it is just in the realm.

You feel that this person will be different than what you have experienced with the others.

Then slowly, he’s slipping away. It’s like you’re pushing yourself to a cliff not knowing if your parachute will work. You jumped wholeheartedly and were left all alone.

You’re back to your old self with a little bit of bitterness and pain on the inside; because once again, you were left hanging, like a lost puppy waiting for a familiar face to return.

Suddenly, all that is left are words unsaid, unspoken promises, and half meant truths.

I have been run over by so many relationships that left me asking- “What if?”

So many, I can’t even fathom why it has always been how it stops.

Closure is a privilege not everyone can have but it’s something that everyone deserves.

So now, I am letting all of it go.

I know you are happy now, but I will be happy too.

I know you have made all these plans that burned in the back of my mind the moment you spoke about them, but I am trying to erase them slowly and build new ones that can come to fruition.

I know that I didn’t deserve to be treated this way but I still let you.

But, I know now that I forgive myself for letting your memory hold me for greater things.

I know now that the difference between the people who just passes by and people who deserve to stay lies in one word- consistency.

I just wished you had told me.

I just wished you had the decency to let me inside your thoughts.

I just wished you had the balls to say whatever it is so that we- especially I can get off the hook easily.

Yet, no time is wasted here. I reckoned.

Because I chose you even if you didn’t do the same for me.

I was always in love with things that are left hanging.

I am illuminated now that the purpose of you in my life was to realize that I too deserve an ending.

It maybe quaint, sluggish, and banal.

It might be fiery, passionate and explosive.

Whatever it might be, I know, it will be worth the fight.