15 Times I Want To Die Of Embarrassment
1. When I am stalking someone on Facebook and I accidentally put their name as my status instead of in the search bar.
2. When I’m walking and I trip just a little bit but I know everyone on the sidewalk saw it, and I just have to keep walking.
3. When I toss something in the trash can and miss spectacularly and have to get up and sheepishly put it in the can.
4. When I misspell something really obvious and I have to swear up and down to people that I actually do know how it’s spelled.
5. When I wake up after being too drunk and realize that I had a full-on inappropriate conversation with someone where I told them way too much about my life.
6. When I see my ex out but I look like garbage because I didn’t think I’d see anyone — greasy hair, big zit, the works.
7. When I am talking shit about someone and they happen to be standing right behind me.
8. When I have something in my teeth or a booger hanging out and I don’t notice until I go to the bathroom much later.
9. When I have headphones on and I fart thinking no one else can hear it like an idiot.
10. When I wave really hard at someone and they either don’t see me or ignore me on purpose.
11. When I text the wrong person. Have you ever sent something to your mom meant for your SO? Because I have. It wasn’t pretty.
12. When I’m talking to my crush and my words get ahead of my brain and I’m thinking, “What are you even saying? Stop talking.”
13. When I accidentally “reply all” to an email that includes people I don’t know and did not need to be reply all-ed too because I know other people find that super annoying, but then if I reply all to apologize I’m doing it again.
14. When I say something kind of dickishly funny with such confidence and someone else in the group is like, “Actually my mom died of a shark bite, could you not” or some such similar serious addendum that makes me look like a jerk.
15. When I show someone something I really love like a TV show or a song that means a lot to me and they don’t laugh or think it’s cool, or they shut it off midway through and I have to pretend it doesn’t mean that much to me anyway.
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They say laughter is the best medicine, and six months ago I found myself highly medicated, that is, I remembered how to laugh.
If we are not happy now with ourselves and what we are doing then what the hell makes us think that we will be happy or satisfied later?
I remember the grass tickling my bare legs and the stains on your shirt, and you smirking at my excitement before your tongue swirled pralines and cream into my mouth.
Second semester: I wonder how much coffee it would take to kill someone?