15 Times I Want To Die Of Embarrassment
1. When I am stalking someone on Facebook and I accidentally put their name as my status instead of in the search bar.
2. When I’m walking and I trip just a little bit but I know everyone on the sidewalk saw it, and I just have to keep walking.
3. When I toss something in the trash can and miss spectacularly and have to get up and sheepishly put it in the can.
4. When I misspell something really obvious and I have to swear up and down to people that I actually do know how it’s spelled.
5. When I wake up after being too drunk and realize that I had a full-on inappropriate conversation with someone where I told them way too much about my life.
6. When I see my ex out but I look like garbage because I didn’t think I’d see anyone — greasy hair, big zit, the works.
7. When I am talking shit about someone and they happen to be standing right behind me.
8. When I have something in my teeth or a booger hanging out and I don’t notice until I go to the bathroom much later.
9. When I have headphones on and I fart thinking no one else can hear it like an idiot.
10. When I wave really hard at someone and they either don’t see me or ignore me on purpose.
11. When I text the wrong person. Have you ever sent something to your mom meant for your SO? Because I have. It wasn’t pretty.
12. When I’m talking to my crush and my words get ahead of my brain and I’m thinking, “What are you even saying? Stop talking.”
13. When I accidentally “reply all” to an email that includes people I don’t know and did not need to be reply all-ed too because I know other people find that super annoying, but then if I reply all to apologize I’m doing it again.
14. When I say something kind of dickishly funny with such confidence and someone else in the group is like, “Actually my mom died of a shark bite, could you not” or some such similar serious addendum that makes me look like a jerk.
15. When I show someone something I really love like a TV show or a song that means a lot to me and they don’t laugh or think it’s cool, or they shut it off midway through and I have to pretend it doesn’t mean that much to me anyway.
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I will say from the get go that I don’t know much about love. I’ve experienced it, for sure, multiple times with ladies. I’ve known it, too, with my mother, my brother and sister, with my own son.
You share cabs and don’t ask them to split the difference, but they make a point to pay you back anyway.
If you’re already dreading Valentine’s Day, think again–the newest season of House Of Cards is slated to be released that day, meaning that you most certainly won’t have any time to think about failed relationships.