If you’re a girl like me, you do a lot of stumbling and unnecessary purchasing on the road to being an adult. I have carted a ton of clothes to Buffalo Exchange and given away a hell of a lot of products, made a lot of romantic mistakes and done a lot of atoning for silly mistakes I’ve made, whether that’s in the realm of fashion, beauty or life in general.
Things that aren’t worth it:
1. Chanel nail polish. Actually, any polish over $10 is probably not worth your time. I say, buy one Chanel just to say you did. I recommend Vamp or Granite. But otherwise, save your money and buy your polishes from China Glaze (my personal favorite) or the drugstore. There’s no reason nail polish should cost $30.
2. French Girl Beauty. I am SO tired of reading about French girl beauty! Every single publication has rolled out some “15 reasons French women are the chicest” or “10 beauty habits of cool French girls” and I’m like, uhhh, OK, that’s cool and all but who really cares that much? Why do we have such a boner for French women? American beauty is cool too. Every interview or behind-the-scenes with said French girls is all the same: Oh, we eat whatever we want, we don’t wear much makeup, blah blah blah. OK, that’s cool. I support that. But where’s the appreciation for a full face of makeup?
I guess it’s hard to pin down a truly “American” style of beauty because we’re so incredibly diverse, which is awesome. You can pick from a kaleidoscope of American beauty icons. And it’s not just American women I’m talking about. Why don’t we ever get Italian beauty? Russian beauty? Great Plains beauty? African beauty? Nah, it’s just French French French French all the time. And I’m so tired of reading “Well, I just do a red lip with this Guerlain lipstick and then I’m done! Nothing else.” WHOOPEE. That’s the most boring beauty advice of all time. Why French Girl Beauty is so aspirational is a mystery to me.
3. Lululemon yoga leggings. I used to swear by these, but guess what? They’re not that awesome. Even though I did everything right in washing them and caring for them, they still pilled. They’re not worth $88, or whatever astronomical price they’re charging now. Everyone is making a knockoff these days, from Gap to American Apparel to Victoria’s Secret.
4. A store’s private credit card. Unless you’re paying this off in full every month, don’t do it. The rewards can be awesome and the perks great, like my Nordstrom card, but I can’t even divulge the balance on that baby without feeling a huge rush of shame and guilt. Stay away from credit cards in general if you don’t intend to pay them off every month.
5. Ten thousand hair gadgets and products. Why did I accumulate ten thousand devices for my hair? All I need is a 1” curling iron for curling and straightening my bangs, a paddle brush and some hot rollers. That’s it. I don’t know why I thought I needed a blowdryer and a flat iron, because I never use those things. Why did I buy a round brush? I don’t blow my hair out! And velcro rollers – same thing. I get caught up in magazine tutorials sometimes, I guess.
6. A beauty box subscription. Let’s be honest here. How many of those Birchbox samples are you ACTUALLY using?
7. A signature scent. OK, this one is up for debate, but in my opinion it’s way more fun to have a perfume for all sorts of occasions. “Oh, this? This is my ‘I’m wearing a gown today’ scent.”
8. The “People’s Sexiest Man Alive” issue. I mean, you could just look at the Internet. And I NEVER agree with it.
9. Makeup-free selfie guilt. Who gives a shit what you look like without makeup? #iwokeuplikethis is all filters and “no makeup makeup” anyway. Don’t feel like you HAVE to show the world what you look like without your face on.
10. Most of the things on those “100 Beauty Products You MUST Own” lists. Like La Mer. La Mer is practically just fancy Vaseline.
11. Any article telling you what men want you to wear/do to your hair and/or face. Who caaaares.
12. Blogging workshops. Ain’t nobody need to tell me how to blog. And the ones about self-love? Those are the worst. You gotta pay somebody $200 for a day of them spouting information on how to love yourself? Nah. Lifestyle bloggers shouldn’t be able to lead workshops about health and depression.
13. A huge, crazy-expensive wedding. Nobody remembers anything about it in the long run. Spend the money on the party, not the flowers or the table decorations. And please don’t spend $30k on your dress.
14. A Chemex. It gets coffee everywhere, every time, without fail.
15. Paying for Twitter/Instagram followers. If you have 9000 Instagram followers but only get 22 likes on a photo …
16. Most $300-400 handbags. They get busted really quickly. I’m still bitter about my piece-of-junk Rebecca Minkoff MAB Satchel, which I’ve had refurbished twice on my own dime.
17. Designer knockoff bags. Gross. People can tell.
18. Super-cheap or super-expensive wine. I can’t tell the difference between an $8 bottle and $40+.
19. Bottle service. WTF, dude. What even IS bottle service? Why is it so astronomically expensive? Plus, who really likes drinking Grey Goose and cranberry all night?
20. Fake vintage t-shirts. These are the TACKIEST. Do you even know a Who song? Probably not. And certain brands sell their “vintage” t-shirts for $$$ – you could buy one on eBay for that.