Picture this, you’re walking through a mall, walk past a handbag store and notice that the sales clerk is a really cute girl.
You walk in, go up to her and sing the first lines of Adele’s new single ‘Hello’
“Hello, it’s me… I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet.” NOTE: Remember, you don’t need scripted pickup lines to get a girl’s attention. All you need to do is:
1. Be polite, say hi and introduce yourself.
2. Talk about whatever you’re passionate about in the moment.
3. State your intentions e.g. tell her that you’d like to get to know her and take her out on a date.
Do this and there’s a chance that she’ll listen to what you have to say. She laughs, and thinks to herself “Who is this weird but funny guy that walked up to me randomly and started quoting Adele lyrics.” She finds you cute, cute enough to give you her phone number. Congratulations! You just got her phone number. NOW WHAT?
How do you get her to reply, keep her interested, maintain attraction and set up a date? It’s a relatively simple task that can easily go wrong. There’s so much you could and would want to say. It’s not easy but it’s never as difficult as you think. So here’s a few tips to give you a baseline on how to approach texting and increase your chances of building a fun/flirty rapport with the cute girl you like.
1. DON’T OVERTHINK YOUR TEXTS
My stance is that it’s quite difficult to increase attraction over text but incredibly easy to decrease it. That’s because sometimes we put way too much emphasis on the texts we send. You may be so afraid of ruining your chance with the girl that you end up overthinking it and say something that never intended to in the first place. Which leads to a scenario where a simple initial text like
“Hi there, it’s been a while” turns into
Hey, are you there?
Why aren’t you answering me…?
Answer me I’m getting worried
You know what! Never talk to me again!
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it…
To ensure that you don’t end up like this, do a sanity check. If it’s not a text that you would show to your friends without having to run and duck for cover. Then why would you send it?
A good rule of thumb is to keep it simple, and say what you want to say without over-complicating your sentence.
2. BREVITY IS YOUR FRIEND
Brevity is the concise and exact use of words in writing or speech. It’s easy to get excited when you’re texting the person you like but it’s harder to control that excitement and express yourself without going overboard.
You need to read the girl and the situation holistically. Not everyone responds the same way to the same things. So you need to figure out how to speak the other person’s language while still retaining your core personality.
• Mirror their level of energy and enthusiasm
• Use the same amount or less emoticons than they do.
• Try to find common ground without asking 21 questions.
Instead of saying “So do you like horses?” you could try “You look really sporty, I get the feeling you’ve tried horse riding”
Side note: If you use humour even remotely borderline open to misinterpretation it’s better to throw in a winky face.
3. BE GOAL ORIENTED
So, what’s the goal? Believe it or not, your end goal shouldn’t be to get a date. That may be the subtext of your conversations but if the only focus of your conversation is on where, when and why you should go on a date. It’s more than likely that you won’t get the date because she’ll know almost nothing about you.
No, your goal should be to continue to the fun and playful interaction that you initially started when you first met in person. By taking focus away from the date and just being light, fun and showing off small portions of your personality. It lets her know that you’re not a serial killer and gives her a better idea of what you’re like as a person. Which could make her feel that much more comfortable spending time around you in person.
In short, if you make her enjoy to talking to you. Then idea of the date and all other related logistics will fall into place naturally.
4. DON’T WAIT TOO LONG TO TEXT HER
There’s a popular rule out there that says that you should wait two to three days before you text/call a girl. I think that’s nonsense, why should have to wait two or three days to continue your great interaction. Instead? Call or text on the same day/night or the next day. That’s because, the girl might forget who you are.
Then you end up having an awkward text conversation like:
You: “Hey, how was your first hangover of the new year?”
Her: “Who is this?”
You: “Darth Vader”
An easy yet simple text you can send right after you meet someone is something like:
“Hey this is ‘Insert your name here’, store my number with care”
So, just text her the same or next day. Although, some people like to think that if you text too soon you’ll come across as ‘Needy’. This, brings me to my next point…
5. DON’T BE NEEDY
Your texts should never be coming from a needy place. You know those guys that send 10 messages in a row as soon as the girl stops replying? Don’t be one of those guys. When you send 10 messages in a row because she doesn’t respond in your ideal time frame. She could be thinking “What the heck is this guy’s problem?” Or “Oh, no not one of these guys again”.
Some other characteristics of someone that’s being needy over text include things like.
• Being overwhelming with your communication: Things like sending paragraph long text messages, messaging a girl on Facebook because you can see she’s online. Even though she hasn’t replied to your initial text message yet. Most times, she didn’t accidentally forget to respond. She’s either busy or just doesn’t want to speak to you right now.
• Having unrealistic expectations about the relationship: You’ve just met and the girl might be thinking that you’re at the first date stage. Yet, you’re talking to her about taking a trip to your hometown to meet your parents and see the playground that you used to play on as a kid. (I’m all about that awesome swing set!)
• Giving her updates on everything you do: Having drinks with your friends? Text her about it. Getting a haircut? Text her again. Just unlocked the Armor of Asaroth on your party quest in World of Warcraft? You’d better text her.
See what I mean? Look, we’ve all been a little overzealous with our texting sometimes but it’s only a minor symptom of the LARGER PROBLEM: ‘Being Needy’.
Most of the time women aren’t attracted to needy guys. Why? That’s because instead of being social, having hobbies, working or learning a new skill. You’re spending all your time reaching out to this girl, as if you have nothing better to do with your time. The thing is, you might not realize it but I promise you she does.
6. FINALLY, DON’T BE AFRAID TO QUIT WHILE YOU’RE AHEAD
It’s never a bad thing to let a conversation die down naturally. There’s a magical point in texting where you get into a ‘flow’ with the other person. When it’s an amazing back and forth exchange between the two of you. Exchanging jokes, heavy flirting, sending pictures, teasing the other person etc. Yet, there comes a point where that flow dies down naturally and you can let the conversation do so too. You don’t need to rush, just let things flow naturally.
You never regret not sending the last text in a conversation, right? It’s so much better to let someone else have the last word in a conversation rather than you saying something you hardly planned to and obsessively checking for a reply that may or may not ever come. You can only keep it up for so long and at a certain point you’ll most likely devolve into pointless small talk. So quit while you’re ahead.