Are We Still Doing That? Is That A Thing?
Calling people gay/f*g as an insult. Show me how educated you are and come up with something better.
Not tipping servers. You pay for food, not service. If you want food it’s called take out. If you want to be served you need to leave a tip.
Asking for an absurd amount of alterations on your meal at a restaurant. I get it, maybe you don’t like tomatoes, or you’re lactose intolerant. But when your order has more additions or subtractions than the original order — that’s just wrong. If you don’t like the food the way it comes, you can always eat at a place called “your house.”
Paying for fancy coffee. A triple venti frap with extra whip, caramel and chocolate sauce. What is that? That’s not coffee, that’s dessert.
Eating everything on your plate at a restaurant. Those things are the size of platters. When you’re at home cooking for one, do you ever think to yourself, “pancakes, eggs, bacon and hash browns for breakfast, that sounds great! Now let me make so much food I need to get out this serving platter to put it on.” No, you don’t.
Writing in all caps. Why are you yelling at me through the computer? This always worries me. One, because I don’t know what I did to get in trouble. Two, because obviously you can get through life being an adult who doesn’t know how to write.
Watch copious amounts of reality TV. I understand that watching Jersey Shore makes you feel better about what you’re doing with your life. But seriously, continuing to support that show means that it continues to exist. Is that really what you want?
Not wearing sunscreen. Maybe you forgot. Or maybe you’re from Portland and it always rains. But seriously, skin cancer happens. Please do yourself a favor and put it on. Your insurance company and body will thank you in the future.
Not having socialized health insurance. I could go on for days. But I really don’t see how being rich equates to being healthy.
Not respecting elders. Kids these days are brats. They walk all over their parents and don’t listen to their teachers. I think we need a reformation.
Not learning a second language. I love being an American, but when I meet so many Americans who don’t see the point in learning/ attempting to learn another language, it upsets me. The world is evolving and it’s becoming more important to be able to speak another language. And at the very least please learn some Spanish/French/German/Italian, so you don’t completely embarrass yourself during your post-graduation summer when you “find yourself in Europe.”
Comparing our lives to television. As much as I’d love to be like Marshall and Lily from HIMYM, chances are that it’s not going to happen. Why? Because that’s TV. It’s fake. It’s written that way to entice audiences. Do not believe that is how real life is going to be. If you do, I’m certain you will become severely depressed with how “imperfect” and uneventful your love life is.
Second chances to ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. Yes, people can change, but they normally don’t. Trying to work things out with someone from your past is a surefire way to remember how wrong you are for each other.
Being required to wear pants. I HATE wearing pants. I think clothes should be optional and more of a winter thing than a social obligation.
Succumbing to food crazes. Juice cleanses. Raw diets. Carb diets. I don’t get it. I’m a fan of moderation. If I want chicken wings, I’ll eat some. If I want a hamburger I’ll eat one. I think it’s the “not everyday” part that’s important.
Driving everywhere. I am the biggest advocate of the car. I grew up in Arizona. It’s hot. I do not like feeling like my skin is melting to the pavement. Thus I drive places. But still, if you’re in a strip mall, is it really necessary to drive from Target to Office Depot? No, it’s not.
Leaving the water on while brushing your teeth. It hurts me to see unused water going down a drain. It’s a precious commodity, please save it.
Frenemies. Why do we have to like everyone? I for one hate lots of people. I think they’re stupid or annoying. I do not pretend to like them to their faces, because that’s lying. Stop pretending to be everyone’s friend; it’s obviously impossible. Why is there social pressure to lie?
Men wearing flip-flops after dark. No. Just no. I wouldn’t say I have a type but I know the type I do have is men who do not, under any circumstance, wear sandals after dark. Sandals are for the pool or CVS when you realize you’re out of laundry detergent. They are not for going to bars or dinner.
Delaware. Who’s been there? Who lives there? I’m almost positive the answer is no one.
A | A | A
There’s a girl on the treadmill in front of me. Blonde hair, fair skin, fit—but thick where it counts.
You would have infinitives that you truly hold close to your heart and a couple of onomatopoeic mixtures of syllables that give music to your life. You would often be misunderstood, but you’d never be boring.
How terrible you used to be at holding your liquor, and the ridiculous combination of drinks you used to deem acceptable, such as Rikaloff and Hawaiian Punch served in a Nalgene.
Someone in your life (of yourself) douses their food with this bright-red hot sauce made from red chili peppers, vinegar, garlic, salt, sugar, amongst a couple of other ingredients. It’s hard-to-miss, really.