I’m Not Mad At You, I’m Just A Terrible Friend

I used to be the friend who would sit up on the phone all night listening to your relationship woes, the unabridged account of your day and your endless yet amusing invention ideas. Now, I hardly pick-up the phone, we email more than text and I send you Google invites. I’m sorry. No, I am not mad at you, I’m just a shitty friend.

I don’t know what happened between the 5 hour conversations and the 5 minute on-the-go coffee dates, but I’m just not the same friend I used to be. Maybe we are growing apart or maybe we are just growing up. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a bit of both. Once upon a time, it was you who would have the life. I would wait for you to be finished with whatever kept you busy throughout the day and be ready and, most importantly, available to be your vent bucket. I would answer to every ring. Even if I had a busy day, I would make it my duty to be present for your need to flush your casual musings, feelings and dirty little secrets. I guess I stopped being just a warm-body and became a human being with her own issues. I’m sorry for that.

I developed a persona that I can’t shake. I’m secretive. I discovered that’s who I am, a secretive type of gal. I date without telling you. I make huge life decisions without consulting with you and I make new friends without introducing you. Because of this secret life unbeknownst to you, my energy which has been used up in my own affairs are now on E as soon as I get to you. When you tell me great news or bad news and I have no reaction, it’s not that I don’t care. I’ve just turned into a shitty friend. See my apologies to you below:

To the childhood friend(s): We did grow apart but I still love you. I know I said I’d call you but you promised the same also. You didn’t call me and I’m not tripping. But I get it. I was always the one to keep us all together. I’m sorry I’m not as dependable anymore. Let’s hang next Saturday.

To the best friend(s): We don’t talk as much as we used to. You jokingly say I’m different but I know it’s true. You are different too. I was very available to you and maybe you viewed me as your sidekick. I never felt like I was but if I was, sorry I am not fulfilling sidekick duties. Perhaps you can see me as just an equal now. If you want..

To the guy I’m sort of dating(?): Hey you. Sorry I never responded to that text. I just got so busy. Are we dating? Not really sure what’s going on.

To the new friend I made at that party: We had such good conversation. We did take each other’s phone number down and we did say we would hang and travel together. Thanks for sending me text invites for drinks and other events. Sorry I never made any of those events. You see, I have serious introvert problems. You’re really gonna have to be the one to plan something but I know that’s not fair. Hopefully we can meetup again.

To my fellow shitty friend: Hi, you’re never around when I need you. You’ve always been a shitty friend but now that I am one too, I understand you. Not sure if you’ll take the time to read this but sorry for not being the good friend anymore. I guess we’ll just be shitty together.