Let’s start here. I am a makeup fanatic. I am all about the newest shade of lipstick from MAC and I’m still searching for that perfect mascara. So, the only time you see me without makeup is at bed time or at the gym. I don’t flaunt my naked face to just anybody.
I realize there are plenty of women who don’t wear makeup or struggle with this certain insecurity and I will forever be in awe of them. I on the other hand, am not one of them. I have always been a “big” girl and struggled with accepting myself. Something I think we can all relate to. I used makeup as a way to build confidence but now I don’t like to be seen without it.
I recently moved back to my hometown after a little hiatus to clear my head from my “almost relationship”. Read any of my previous pieces and you’ll get a glimpse of the emotional roller coaster I just got off of. Other than that, I’ve technically been single my whole life. I am the friend that my friends are always looking to set up.
My friend Mandy is no different. She has tried but I usually find a way out of it. However, Monday afternoon I’m over at her house chatting when she tells me she has a guy she wants me to meet. I immediately wait for her husband Mason to shut it down with a “he’s not good enough” or a “no way in hell I’m putting her through that”. Instead, he approved of the match.
At this point every insecurity is screaming “no”. I’m thinking to myself, “I’m too fat for him. My nose is huge and my skin is being everything but easy to work with. I need to get the beauty filter from snapchat onto my face permanently, in real life”. I finally agree and they assure me that this guy is worth meeting. I make them promise that they would tell me when I’m about to meet him so I could mentally prepare myself.
So, Thursday rolls around and Mandy shoots me a text asking me to come over for dinner to see the kids. That afternoon I was so busy. Between accidentally losing my roommates cat (that’s a whole different story) and seeing people I hadn’t seen in almost a year, I rushed out of the house without doing my makeup. A rare event but I wasn’t too concerned because I was seeing people I felt comfortable with. 7 o’clock rolls around and I pull into Mandy’s driveway. I am too busy trying to get my loving mother off the phone to realize the extra car parked on the side of the road. I barge into the house like usual when I see him.
That was when I realized the unthinkable happened. I unknowingly showed up to a date without makeup on. They never warned me but there he was. There I was. Without my perfected eyebrows may I add. At this point I had already made eye contact so I couldn’t run away. I forced a smile and introduced myself. I noticed Mandy was holding a glass of wine so I quietly walked over and took it from her before downing it right then and there.
I stared at her with a death glare and pointed at my face. “I didn’t wear makeup because I figured I was only hanging out with the family. You promised me you’d warn me.”
Supposedly a text was sent to me earlier that day but I never received it. Yeah, okay. We’ve all used that one before. At this point, I had two options. I could let the insecurities ruin the time I was excited to spend with my friends or I could remember that I was perfectly happy 5 minutes before meeting this man and I would continue to be happy with or without him around.
With every insecurity screaming in my head, I went and joined them.
We had a great time laughing and telling stories. It felt as though I had only been there a few minutes when I realized we had been there for almost three hours. Knowing they all worked early, I started to pack up and excuse myself for the evening. I didn’t have any idea what Chris thought of me but I didn’t really care anymore. I had silenced my insecurities and that in itself was a victory in my book. As I was walking out to my car when I heard my name. Chris walked up to me with a big smile on his face. He told me how much he enjoyed meeting me and asked me to grab drinks next week. I thought I was going to die of shock. Was this guy seriously still interested in my after seeing me completely bare faced? Yes.
As I drove home, I thought about all of the insecurities people deal with on a day to day basis. I thought about how I almost let the fact I didn’t put something as stupid as makeup on my face ruin my chance of meeting somebody really cool.
We all have insecurities and they are not easy to ignore. I know this just as much as the next person. However, imagine what could happen if we just stepped outside of our comfort zone once in a while? I realized Thursday night that I let my insecurities decide things for me and that is no way to live.
Live for yourself and be authentically you. Do not be afraid to grab life and run with it. Ask yourself, are you really happy or are you really just comfortable?