Grow Up, But Don’t Grow Apart

The concept of having a best friend is basically ingrained in us as humans. The general consensus is that when you stare off into the abyss of what might be, with the possibilities swirling around your head, it’s always better to have someone next to you to grab your hand and say, “Let’s explore together.”

Like all good friendships you have had those nights where you held them while they cried in their dad’s car trying to get all the pain out before curfew and there were plenty of nights they held you too, but those aren’t the defining moments of your friendship. The most important moments were the quiet ones that blended together until the details became indefinable. The nights where you laid next to each other in the dark planning out your futures and how to go about chasing those crazy dreams you didn’t dare tell anyone else about before drifting to sleep. The conversations about nothing that had you dying on the floor cackling. The glances across crowded rooms and knowing smiles that steadied you when your footing was unsure. Well you’re not planning anymore. Your futures are happening and you’re actively moving towards your dreams but now you’re apart. You’re not always in the same room when you need each other and you’re both having conversations in the dark with new people, but you can’t let this slip through. Don’t assume they know how much you care, tell them even if it’s not the right time or place. Tell them during the quiet forgettable moments because those are the ones that matter the most. Tell them in empty parking lots or right before the movie starts, tell them how much they mean to you until you’ve said it so many times the details become indescribable. Tell them while you still can; tell them while it’s still true.

I didn’t realize how much you made me smile until I came home and my jaw hurt. You need to know that you can always call my heart home. You need to know that, at any given moment, I can spit out a million clichés about our friendship and mean every single one. I can’t always be there for you but when it counts I will never let you down. I don’t know how to keep friends into adulthood; I’ve barely figured out how to turn on a stove. I haven’t figured out how to keep you, but I know that I am not losing you. I am not losing a person like you because nothing shiny or new can replace the things you gave me and let me know were possible. You did better than show me I was worthy of being loved; you helped me see it for myself. There’s so much I missed, that I didn’t thank you for, that I didn’t appreciate until the miles between us illuminated it all. There might be gaps, breaks, and pauses but there will be no end to us.