You’re spontaneous and love adventure! Your friends know not to try and make plans with you too far in advance, because you’re likely to get caught up in some excitement and take a spur-of-the-moment trip to Mexico or Sri Lanka. You aren’t the kind of person to get mired in a 9-5 job. You like to make your own hours. While some of your family members may say that you’re “under employed,” you don’t let your job define you. Money is not your objective.
You’re passionate and make decisions in the heat of the moment. And you pride yourself on being resourceful. Whether you’re spending a month couch surfing your way across Montana or groping for a blunt object to murder someone with, you make due with what you have!
You have a go, go, go Type A attitude, and you are all about getting things done as efficiently as possible. In your business dealings and personal life, you don’t have any patience for people who dawdle or ruminate.
Politically, you believe in small government and states’ rights. You feel strongly about the excellence of the individual and the corrective power of the free market. The Constitution, in your opinion, is a sacred document. Our founding fathers are to be revered.
You like to call the shots, but you respect someone who can stand up to you and butt heads. Romantically, you are drawn to partners who have strong opinions and fiery tempers. You yourself are slow to anger but quick to judge. When you make a decision, you carry it out quickly and stick to it. BANG.
If you want a job done right, you do it yourself. You take a hands-on approach to everything in your life, from growing herbs and spices in your container garden to changing your own oil. You like to think outside the box and come to your own conclusions about an issue. Your home is littered with half-finished creative endeavors. On your friends’ birthdays, you give them thoughtful, handmade gifts.
Sometimes your need to micromanage gets you in trouble with your significant other. Though you view yourself as “thorough” and “curious,” the wrong romantic counterpart views those traits as “meddling” or “prying.” Your ideal mate is someone who loves to collaborate and understands you mean well. And, of course, someone who gives you license to experiment and doesn’t criticize you while you’re tinkering.
Everyone you encounter can see you have a flair for the dramatic. You like to make a production of things. You tend to have wild and brief romantic relationships that start under impractical circumstances and end in knock-down drag-out fights. You wear your heart on your sleeve, and you don’t get along with people who bottle their feelings up.
Though you’re a warm and loving person, you have a vengeful streak in you. When you’re upset, you don’t care about saving face. You just want to destroy whatever’s in your way. You were your high school valedictorian, and you used your speech to eviscerate anyone you thought had wronged you over the years. In short, if you killed someone, you wouldn’t hide him in the floorboards. You’d hang him from the rafters and wait until his family found him. He should have just left his wife like he said he was going to.
You’re practical and blunt. You don’t mince words. You take pride in a job well done, and you don’t dance around the matter at hand. You’ve probably made your significant other cry recently and didn’t quite understand how come. Whenever you get asked the question, “What are you thinking about?” you have trouble recalling your last intelligible thought. Sometimes you pet rabbits too hard.
When confronted with a problem, you choose the simplest most straightforward solution. You’re never afraid of snapping off a door’s handle by torqueing it too hard, or spattering a person’s brains too far by assaulting them with too heavy a bludgeoning weapon.
You’re into the classics: Greek mythology, the works of Shakespeare, vintage clothing. Friends and family describe you as an “old soul.” You’re more than willing to invest a little extra time and money to get the experience you want. There’s no way you’d be caught dead drinking a Coors Light or eating Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Those you spend time with understand that when you put your mind to a task, you see it through to the end, even if it gets messy.
New love interests should know that you aren’t just looking for something casual. You’re in it for the long haul. Ideally, the next person you date would be someone you can spend the rest of your life growing with. You have a career that takes up a lot of your time and energy, but you also want a family. It’s rare for someone to crack your inner circle, but when you connect with someone, it is deep and meaningful. You take betrayal very seriously. You’re not the type to take one stab at something and then let it go. You plunge right in there and get the job done.
If you have a favorite murder weapon of any kind, you are probably some kind of sociopath and should seek professional help rather than reading internet articles that normalize your homicidal tendencies.