What I Did the Last Five Black Fridays
2005: During “2:50 Time,” the study hall period at the end of the school day, I looked at Anti-Flag’s website and clicked a link that said “Buy Nothing Day!” and read that “Black Friday” was the biggest shopping day of the year and that, in protest, there was something called “Buy Nothing Day,” a day in which one buys nothing on Black Friday. While reading about it, I felt a little confused while thinking “What about food, do you buy it the day before… or is that cheating…” and “Cool, Buy Nothing Day.”
Later, on AIM, I asked one of my friends if he was “excited for Buy Nothing Day.” When he asked what it was, I copy and pasted the link to the thing I read on Anti-Flag’s website.
2006: Had a “heated” discussion with my dad about capitalism while standing in my kitchen. Told him I “didn’t want my inheritance” and [other potentially regrettable things].
2007: On the Wednesday before Black Friday, I was at Best Buy with my Dad and my brother. We saw two groups of people setting up tents on the sidewalk outside. While paying for something at the cash register, my dad asked what was “so hot” that would be worth waiting two days in the cold and skipping Thanksgiving for. The cashier said, “We’re not supposed to tell customers what deals we’ll be offering.” My dad said, “Aw, come on, really?” The cashier said, “They don’t even tell us what the deals are.” My Dad said something then said, “So they’re just out there… hoping for some crazy deal.” The cashier said, “Oh, you bet. You wouldn’t believe some of the people we get. It gets crazy. There’s always somethin’. I mean, I couldn’t tell ya what, but there’s always somethin’.”
My dad told my mom about the people setting up the tents when we got home.
2008: I made plans to go to the mall with my friend Steve, Steve’s brother Mike and Mike’s girlfriend Sydney. I smoked a Camel No. 9 brand cigarette in the park in Steve’s neighborhood. We picked up Mike then stopped in a parking lot before picking up Sydney. I smoked a cigarette and yelled obscene things while Mike was on the phone with Sydney.
When we got to the mall, I saw a group of people with their faces painted like zombies and said “what the fuck” while laughing a little. When we got closer to the zombie people, I recognized a peace tattoo on one of their necks then Richard Wehrenberg said, “Jordan?” then I said something like “Oh shit… Richard… What the fuck… Jesus” while grinning. Richard said something then said, “I looked and saw someone wearing a flannel smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee and I thought it was you” while laughing.
I walked around the mall. Sydney and Mike bought me “Kissable Massage Lotion” from Victoria’s Secret. At some point, I saw the zombie people being escorted out of the mall by an overweight security guard.
2009: I tweeted about Black Friday.
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“You know what sucks about getting older? Your friends have known you for way too long. They’ve got too much on you. “
So many wonderful songs seem to have fallen through the cracks and all but disappeared.
More important than your real-life first love is the fictional first love you experience via your television set.
Well I mean first of all, it’s never a good idea to approach a hot black girl with an opening line about how much you love chocolate!