50 Things I Don’t Care About
- What your baby did today.
- The weather.
- Your boyfriend’s band.
- What it means if he usually texts you at 10:15 but today he didn’t text until 10:21.
- What price you paid for your outfit.
- Interest rates.
- What’s under the hood of your car.
- The fact that, at first, you thought your shirt was black but when you put it on with your skirt you realized it was navy.
- Why Greek yogurt is better than regular.
- What not owning a TV has taught you.
- How much you can bench.
- What’s inside that hot dog.
- How difficult it was to select a venue for your wedding.
- The “terrible customer service” you got at McDonalds.
- Music before 1960.
- That it’s actually faster to drive home the other way.
- What you do in the bedroom, if you aren’t my three closest friends or the person I’m seeing.
- YOUR LAST GIRLFRIEND.
- “The South.”
- Tan lines.
- My horoscope, unless it’s good.
- Award shows.
- Throwing away “home decor” given to me by distant relatives.
- What anyone got on the ACTs past age 18.
- Leadership classes.
- Ugly dogs.
- The time you kissed someone of the same sex and “totally” thought you were gay.
- Your Kickstarter project.
- Art projects.
- Spilled milk/vodka.
- CRAFT COCKTAILS.
- Anything Ann Romney has to say.
- Germs, for the most part.
- How offensive “______” is.
- Comic book movies.
- That the winning “Bachelor” couples never stay together.
- That a 6-year-old went tanning. (It was one time?)
- How “slutty” someone is dressed.
- Carrie Bradshaw-isms
- How everyone calls him your “work husband.”
- What your puke tasted like.
A | A | A
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.
Single people love to whine about being single.