October 29, 2011

Possible Reasons Why You Are Reading Blogs On A Saturday Night

You are having relationship problems. Sitting by your computer drinking beer and forlornly GChatting someone who is also experiencing relationship problems seems like a better idea than actual social interaction. Plus you probably haven’t showered in several days. Which you blame on the breakup, and we’ll pretend we believe that.

You are stalking your unrequited crush. Constantly refreshing their lifestream to determine their whereabouts and activities makes you feel like you are actually connected to them and a part of their lives. Until you see they have a new Facebook friend who is younger and more attractive than you and you sink into a depression. At which point you should probably just GChat the relationship problems guy.

You are fourteen. Sitting on the internet all night seems like a better idea than watching TV with your parents or going to an eyerollingly mainstream high school sporting event. Good work, angsty teen. Now go reapply your black eyeliner.

I think it’s called “gaming?” I think you are maybe playing something called “World of Warcraft” and you could probably be described as legitimately medically addicted to it. Sorry about your luck.

You live in another country where it is not Saturday night. Congratulations. You are not a loser.

Your friends are all from the internet, somehow. Y’all are ‘partying’ just not IRL. You are watching each other make goofy faces on Tiny Chat and reading your internet poetry on UStream and poking each other ironically. You have a Turntable bear suit and a username that’s an inside joke only your online friends get. In conversations with your real IRL friends they will often say, “Have you ever actually met that person in real life?” But hey, who needs human interaction when you’ve got emoticons?

Your blog actually ‘means something to you.’ You are spending Saturday night cultivating it, hoping to ‘get yourself out there,’ get followers, generate hits, maybe get Stumbled if you’re lucky. I’ll pause for a sec so you can go refresh StatCounter. TC mark

Johanna de Silentio

Johanna de Silentio is phiLOLZophy, best friends who drink vodka, argue about philosophy and blog from Minneapolis.