Likely Fictional Texts
In Sleepless in Seattle, Annie Reed (Meg Ryan) is serendipitously, or at least irrationally, pulled to the top of the Empire State Building, but arrives a tad too late, just missing Sam Baldwin (Tom Hanks) and his son Jonah, who were now going down a separate elevator shaft in the opposite vector. She finds the boy’s teddy bear and solemnly resigns to a grim life without them. This was in 1993, before smartphones, otherwise a quick text to Sam the man would have really conveyed the direct correlation between her sentiments and presence atop the tall building. She could even use her phone to check-in to her one-way flight to Seattle, flashing the virtual boarding pass with an infatuated smile.
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
I visited synagogues all over the world—from Syosset, to Beverly Hills, and back again to Jericho. Studies were made, tests were run, I tasted the blood of a virgin Jew and even conducted my very own bris.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.
The second-to-last time I saw Darnelle I was going to buy a large quantity of weed from one of his connects because mine was out of town and he set me up to get robbed. The last time I saw him he gave me ~200 Xanax (~1/4th the value of the money he stole from me) and apologized.