Thought Catalog
April 4, 2014

Suey Park, You Are A Fucking Dingbat

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Maksym Bondarchuk / Shutterstock.com
Maksym Bondarchuk / Shutterstock.com

Suey Park, the humorless desiccated vadge who launched the #CancelColbert Twitter campaign because she couldn’t take a joke wherein a white man was joking about racist white men because “whiteness” dictates that all white men are racist, even the ones who are earnestly attempting to lampoon white racism—or something—is stretching out her fifteen minutes of fame to eighteen or maybe even eighteen and a half.

She did an interview published today on Salon, that baby viper’s nest of white ethno-masochism that nurtures and coddles and enables nonwhites to hate whites as much as the extremely white and truly privileged white staffers hate their own whiteness, all of this grotesque moralistic showboating nudged along by über-white staffers such as that hideous carved pumpkin Joan Walsh and that low-sodium weenie sandwich Alex Pareene.

Ms. Park describes herself as an “activist,” which all working people realize is a person who isn’t actively performing activities at an actual job. She also calls herself a “comedian,” although she didn’t say one fucking funny thing in the interview and as far as I know has never done one funny thing in her life—besides, perhaps, existing.

During the interview—which had one unintentionally funny moment because she was momentarily distracted by a bird outside her window and forgot what question she was answering—she confessed she hadn’t seen Colbert’s televised response to her campaign and rudely snapped at the interviewer (who, as Salon’s benevolent tokenism would have it, was also a WOC) that it was “an irrelevant question” to ask whether she’d seen it.

She also dilated her mental vagina and squeezed out the following thought-queefs for all the world to see:

I think as a result of the white ally industrial complex, for too long people of color have been asked to censor whiteness, they have been asked to educate their oppressor, they have been asked to use the right tone, and appease their politics in order to be heard. And in an effort to just contribute to the self-improvement of white allies that are often times just racist.

LMFAO! ROFL! ROFL&LMFAO!!! You’re killin’ me, lady! Quick, Lorne Michaels—get this chick a spot on the newer, more diverse SNL!

She also said:

I’m talking about whiteness at large.

You want to talk about whiteness at large? OK, then so do I—according to this, white penises are much larger than Korean ones, which supposedly average a highly comedic 3.8 inches.

Suey—which, last I checked, was what pig farmers shouted when calling their hogs—also insinuated it was wrong to want to “humanize the oppressor,” which I’m assuming she means whites and their unforgivably white whiteness. And truly, I can’t imagine the burden of oppression that Asians bear in this stinkingly racist white society. Oh, to suffer an average family income over $12,000 more than white families! Oh, to have an average life expectancy of 7.6 years longer than your evil white oppressors! Oh, the horror that Asian Americans hold bachelor’s degrees at a rate roughly 20% higher than the US population as a whole! The pain! The agony! The oppression! Quick—somebody grab me a box of Kleenex, so long as they aren’t white!

I always paint my white characters to be singular, to be ignorant….

Nope, nothin’ racist about that, because, as we all know, whites suffer unfair privileges, even though, as already noted, Asians in America live longer and make more money than whites. We’re talking about “structural” racism, “invisible” racism—you know, the kind you can never quantify because it doesn’t really exist.

When asked what was the best way to work with America’s humbly supine and eternally apologetic white population, she said:

I don’t want them on our side…This is not reform, this is revolution….Whiteness will always be the enemy.

It’s revolting, but it’s not a revolution. It’s not even a bowel movement. And you seem to want a “war” where your “enemy” has already surrendered, or at least is required to fight with his mouth taped shut and his hands tied behind his back.

The light bulb over her head burns so dimly that she can’t even tell the difference between “critical thinking” and warmed-over Frankfurt School critical theory. The first makes no presumptions, while the second starts with the premise “Western Civilization is evil” and tries to cram the facts into fit the pseudo-religious Guilt Narrative. With critical thinking, all facts are weighed objectively; with critical theory, inconvenient facts are dismissed as thoughtcrimes.

[T]his is a problem with white supremacy that it’s still nonviolent and it’s still violent and it’s still violent violent….

Huh? What? I’m sorry—come again? I got distracted. An Asian dingbat just flew past my window. TC mark