How To Never Get Over Him (In 10 Easy Steps!)
1. Talk to him every day
Preferably every day all day. Talk to him. Invest in him. Understand that while it’s not working now, if you keep pouring your energies into him it will work out, eventually, as long as you keep plugging ahead. You got this!
2. Talk about him every day
Preferably every day all day. Any time something comes up, bring it back to him. Your friend has a salad? Oh my gosh, there’s the funniest anecdote with him and salads. He relates to everything, so share it! People want to hear it, too! It is fascinating to hear about your ex boyfriend and his opinion on salads. This is a simple truth.
3. Play Remember When
Remember When is the best game to play when you’re on the path to never getting over him. You can go back, sometimes deep into memory, and pull up exciting, fun memories from the exciting, fun times the two of your shared. Dwell on those times. Let them swirl around in your mind, back and forth and up and down. You had some good moments. Some great moments, in fact. You should probably tell others about them. (See number two.)
4. Compare everyone to him
That barista sort of looks like Him, but he’s shorter. That guy at the gym listens to what you have to say, but he doesn’t know you like He does. Every single person on this earth exists to serve at least one purpose in your life–and that purpose is to try, and fail, to measure up to Him. Go ahead and let them fulfill that role.
5. Don’t keep perspective
The fact that the first date you went on was just OK means everything. It doesn’t matter that the first date has known you for a total of three hours, and He has known you for years, what does matter is He knows you better. Haha He wins. Back off everyone, you really tried putting yourself out there.
6. Plan for the future
Where will the two of you live? What will your children be named? If things aren’t working now, a little planning the future on your part will go a long way when he finally comes to his senses!
7. Remain in physical contact with him
The more the better! The more physical you are, the more he will love you, obviously, so keep giving and giving! You will become increasingly invested as you do this, and with any luck you will never get over him!
8. Keep the label ambiguous
Maybe you’re dating, maybe you’re on a break, maybe you’re friends with benefits–who knows. The truth is your truth. No one can understand your highly complicated, intense, emotional relationship because they are too boring. You don’t need labels. You don’t need anything from anyone! (Except him. You do need him.)
9. Remind yourself you’re not dysfunctional, you’re merely passionate
Passionate is a great word for when you’re trying not to get over someone. It covers all things. You had a public fight. You are passionate. You cried all night? Passion. Passionate is a good word to be, especially in a relationship.
10. Don’t listen to others when they tell you this is bad for you/isn’t working/you should seek help
What the hell do they know? You are the expert on your relationship, not them. Everyone is against you. It’s you two against the world! You are Romeo and Juliet! It’s damn romantic, is what it is. This relationship is special. This relationship is yours.
Oh my gosh, have you told the story about the salads recently?
You really should.
That’s such a good one.