September 15, 2016

Finding Big Love In Small Details

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Josh Willink
Josh Willink

I am a sucker for romance, but in an unusual way. I think the real romantic moments are rarely in beautiful packages like 1000 flowers or fancy dinners on 50th floor with sunsets.

My version of romantic date is one impromptu Sunday lunch at Japanese bento stall. He didn’t bring me flowers. He didn’t buy me presents. No grand gestures — and it was at a frikin’ Japanese bento stall.

However, I have noticed that we are living in an exceptional era where there are two types of people: the ones who are notoriously cynical toward love and romance, and the ones who dwell in idealistic notion of romance.

The first type — who are notoriously cynical toward love and romance — are the ones who have seen divorces, broken vows, and nasty breakups; all of which have led them to believe that true love is made by and for marketing purposes.

The second type — who dwell in idealistic notion of romance —  are the ones that we often find popping up in our newsfeed. Flowers, presents, picturesque vacations, and sweet captions. Everything seems a little brighter the moment they find each other — thus, every single moment has to be celebrated, recorded, and shared.

But I want to believe that there is the third type of people (okay, it’s me): the ones who believe that love falls in between grand gestures and reality.

LOVE THAT FALLS IN BETWEEN GRAND GESTURES AND REALITY

Before I continue, I would like to congratulate those of you who have found the love of your life and gladly share it with the world; also for those of you who have been very smart and careful to whom you’ll spend your life with. Good for you.

But here’s the third type of person who believes that love is the loudest in small, genuine details that cannot be captured by any camera — and even if they try to brag them to their friends, people will only see them as weirdos who get excited over, well, nothing.

They are the type of people who believe that love exists in the minutiae moments, like looking at the menu at a restaurant and knowing what each other’s orders. Like grabbing their favourite coffee on our way home because we know it’s going to be a long night for them. Like holding their hands and having them to look at our eyes saying, “It’s going to be okay.” Like choosing a red dress because they say we look good in it. Like offering the last slice of pizza and swear they don’t want it, so we don’t feel bad about taking it.

Love is about the crack in big moments.

Like the moment they get genuinely excited over our big promotion. Like the moment we become their very own cheerleaders without taking any credits of their successes. Like the moment when they push us towards our dreams, and actually believe that we can make it.

Love exists through the cracks of hard times. It is about the wrong turn we take and instead of getting mad, they laugh. It is about getting pissed at each other but they still call at the end of the day to check up on us. It is about saying sorry because we know at some point along the arguments, we hurt their feelings. It is about them saying, “I forgive you.”

It also appears in every day’s little encouragements that get us through the day. Like the kind of love that makes us feel that it’s okay to be raw and vulnerable — because they are not here as a fixer. They are here as a partner. Like not hearing from them for 8 hours, but we are exactly sure that they will come back the moment they are available. Like getting excited over a dinner at Burger King because it is Tuesday and it’s two’s day at Burger King.

We, as the third type of people, believe that love rarely comes like big moments on television. It rarely comes as kisses in the rain. It rarely comes as a love declared in front of the whole restaurant. It rarely comes as candlelight dinners.It comes in little moments which are not Instagram worthy.

It comes in the every day, steadfast love that makes us feel less alone and undeniably loved. It comes in sweet and tender gestures that give such a warm feeling. And it feels so amazing. TC mark

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