September 7, 2016

37 Girls On Whether Or Not It’s Ever Okay To Talk To An Ex

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What is the issue?
Instagram / Vivien Liu
Instagram / Vivien Liu

1. Not if he’s a stupid asshole.

“Oddly, I stay in touch with his family but not him. They were basically like ‘he’s being a stupid asshole, we’re sorry’ and I don’t talk to him because…he’s a stupid asshole.”

hey_thatsmyinbox


2. Waking the dead won’t bring the person back.

“Breakups hurt, no matter what. It is like grieving a death. But waking the dead won’t bring the person back.”

Moon


3. The good times are over and it’s time to move the fuck on.

“I get it, you feel lonely sometimes, but the last person you should run to is the asshole that put you in that position. When you get your heart broken it is only normal to feel sad and remember the good times: the flowers, the sex, the laughs, and the love. Guess what? The good times are over and it’s time to move the fuck on.”

Cara


4. Hell no.

“Can I just say ‘hell no’ and leave it at that? My own experiences have not led me to want to be friends with my ex, which I think says something on its own. For those that can maintain the friendship after the split—kudos. Though it seems a whole new ball game when either party enters a new relationship…”

Eileen


5. I just plain have no interest in talking to a hateful drug addict.

“He threatened to abandon our cat and told me to go hang myself (I have mild suicidal episodes). He also made light of my past as a victim of abuse/sexual assault. Also I just plain have no interest in talking to a hateful drug addict.”

synthetic-sanity


6. It prevents both people from moving on with their lives.

“There is absolutely no reason to talk to exes if you don’t have kids. If you work together or pass by on the street, fine. Otherwise, it prevents both people from moving on with their lives. No one is gaining anything, but both people are just wasting time when they could meet someone who’s a better fit.”

LaserBeamsCattleProd


7. Why chase someone who cannot see your value?

“I cut all contact a month ago after being dumped around 4 months ago. I still don’t know if keeping away is the best thing to do but im sticking to it and taking baby steps. I don’t know what else to say except fight and keep fighting. Cry, sob, be miserable. It’s all part of the grieving process. I know this is corny but every dark cloud does have a silver lining. Just believe that something good is awaiting. And its true—why chase someone who cannot see your value?”

MessedUp


8. Do not call!

“Do not call! Men like to figure things out on their own, and sometimes it takes being apart from the woman for a while before the man realizes how much he misses her and loves her. If you call before he has thought things through, and before he has had time to really miss you, you could interrupt the process…which could lead to him breaking it off with you for good.”

Jill


9. It will only cause you heartbreak.

“I say, don’t call the ex. It will only cause you heartbreak. Delete his phone number from your mobile phone so you are not tempted. Delete him from your Facebook friends too. Look to the future with a level head, and let the past be the past no matter how good it was, a decision was made to end the relationship, and it’s most likely the same would happen again if the relationship is given another chance.”

Name Withheld


10. It’s easier to be separate.

“I don’t want to be friends with my exes. I choose to part ways with them, so they don’t need to be part of my life. I’m not one for sentiment, and there might be underlying temptation. It’s easier to be separate.”

Jane


11. He sent an eight-paragraph message threatening suicide.

“We had a messy breakup. I friended him on Facebook because it had been over two decades since we’d been together. I figured it wouldn’t be weird to check in on him.

Not even 12 hours after I sent a DM to the effect of ‘hey! We should get together with our families and catch up sometime.’ He sent an eight-paragraph message threatening suicide.

He got my phone number a few weeks later and called begging for money. I acquainted him on FB and hoped he’d get the message. Then he wrote asking me to cover for him with his wife because she was suspicious of the affair he was having.

Annnnnddd that’s why I don’t talk to my ex at all now.”

ligamentary


12. Someone always ends up getting hurt.

“No, I don’t think it’s a good idea. It affects future relationships no matter who the people are. To ignore that or deny that it has ANY affect at all is superficial. Someone always ends up getting hurt.”

Chaucee


13. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad.

“I don’t think it can work unless the reason for the end of the relationship is that you two realized you are more friends than lovers. I can’t be friends with my exes because the way they broke up with me was too bad.”

Chloe Moon


14. I think some time has to pass first.

“It can work, but I think some time has to pass first. You both need time to heal and move on before you try to establish a friendship outside of what was once your ‘relationship.’ The only long-term friendships I’ve been able to maintain with exes have worked because of this.”

Alison


15. I never advise it.

“I think you could, but I never advise it. Things always get messy and it’s dangerous for future relationships. You just have to let it go and move on.”

Alyssa


16. Three months need to pass before re-establishing contact.

“Usually not, but it depends on the reasons for the breakup. Definitely not if one person still wants to date (or marry!) the other. It also depends on how physical the relationship was. I’m friends with one of my exes, but we never even kissed. And then the time the relationship lasted, if not longer, must pass (if you date for three months, three months need to pass before re-establishing contact).”

Anamaria


17. It’s not fair to you or your next love to be still involved with an ex.

“In the beginning no, a friendship should be avoided with your ex. I do think that after several years after you both have moved on a simple ‘hello, how are you’ is fine, but only if you happen to run into that person unintentional. It’s not fair to you or your next love to be still involved with an ex.”

Rebecca


18. I think it depends on the people involved.

“I think it depends on the people involved. I’m still friends with one of my exes, but it took a year or two to figure out what our new boundaries were going to be as friends. We definitely aren’t as close as we once were, but he is still definitely a part of my life. If my current boyfriend and I broke up, though, I don’t think we could still be friends. He’s not the type of person who could forgive and forget.”

Eleanor


19. It leaves too much space open to wonder ‘what if we could make it work again?’

“I’m sure it’s possible but I’ve never been able to be friends with my ex-boyfriends. For me, it leaves too much space open to wonder ‘what if we could make it work again’ and I find that little window to be detrimental to moving on.”

Maiah


20. I think it’s important and healthy to be friends with an ex.

“I think it’s important and healthy to be friends with an ex. I agree with some posts that immediately after a breakup a friendship isn’t likely, everyone needs time to heal. However, I’m always suspicious if a guy I’m dating is not on speaking terms or friendly with his ex, it says a lot about the previous relationship.

I find it hard to imagine not wanting to be friends with someone who you at one point thought was a very good person, good enough to date. As I said, immediately after probably not, but at some point when you’re both over things both parties should be able to say, Ok that happened for a reason, we both got something out of it, we both grew in different ways but that was right then but not right forever.”

Logan


21. I don’t really think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex, but I think being friendly is very important.

“I think there is a big difference between being friends and being friendly. Oftentimes friends of mine have tried to focus too much on the friendship part right after the breakup and it just ends up making the situation worse. I think a lot of space is essential especially in the beginning and then after that it is important to just be friendly. I don’t really think it’s a good idea to be friends with an ex, but I think being friendly is very important because then you know that you have moved on and you aren’t putting any effort into negative energy or a negative relationship!”

Jessi


22. If you can be friends after a break-up, it means you were never really in love, or you still are.

“As a general rule, I don’t think it’s possible to be friends. I think the old saying goes, ‘If you can be friends after a break-up, it means you were never really in love, or you still are.’ I am friends with one of my ex-boyfriends from years and years ago, but not with my most recent. You can still care for that person and be cordial, but a friendship is hard—especially if there are feelings on any side. I find it hard to find the new boundaries of friendship with someone who you were once so intimate with. I really believe its best for both parties despite what they feel for the other person to let go and move on.”

Ashley


23. My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! And I’ll be at his wedding this summer.

“Totally! My ex-boyfriend and first real love whom I dated for over two years came to my wedding! And I’ll be at his wedding this summer. We broke up because the chemistry had fizzled so it was pretty easy to just stay friends, although it took about 6-12 months to not feel a little jealous of other people in his life…”

Shayna


24. It depends on you, the ex, the nature of the breakup, and how the whole shebang went down.

“It depends on you, the ex, the nature of the breakup, and how the whole shebang went down. There is one ex of mine in particular whom I do not maintain a friendship with whatsoever because our relationship was destructive and unfruitful. We’ve run into each other a couple of times and we’re cordial enough to briefly ‘catch up’ like Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn at the end of the The Breakup. But that’s the end of that, there’s no kind of contact, no phone number exchange nor email…nada!

On the other side of that coin is another ex who has loved me like no other till the end of time. We ended things with love. And because of his nature and the loving kindness of our relationship we managed to maintain a beautiful friendship immediately after we broke up, and even over long distance to this day. This is a very unusual situation for me. Actually it’s just plain weird, but he’s one of my closest friends.

Once you decide to breakup, break up. If both parties, and I mean both parties, can get past the romantic issues and any baggage of bitterness then a friendship is possible. But I wouldn’t force it, organic is always preferred ;)”

Deeyarah


25. I have yet to remain friends with an ex.

“I believe it depends on the ex and the situation you ended the relationship in. That being said I have yet to remain friends with an ex nor have I had an ex that I would want to remain friends with. I like to believe it is possible and maybe one day in the future we will be able to be friends. I do believe in being friendly, or at least polite especially when you have mutual friends.”

Laura


26. If your relationship was complicated and messy than its better to just walk away and leave it at that.

“I think it depends. If you were better at being friends than being something more than sure it’s possible. But if your relationship was complicated and messy than its better to just walk away and leave it at that.”

Brittany


27. Once we break up, we break up.

“This is kind of interesting. I’ve never had a crazy, intense breakup (or a super serious relationship), but I’ve also never stayed friends with an ex. Once we break up, we break up. Now, I will stick by my decisions with this and continue to say it was the best idea for both parties, but there is a part of me that feels like you can date someone, break up, and EVENTUALLY be friends. Or maybe ‘friendly’ is the better word?? It depends on an entire grab bag of things—maturity, the past relationship, so many factors. Relationships are complicated and they’re definitely all different. I think one thing is for certain. Time is necessary for all of us. It allows you time to reacquaint yourself with yourself, your friends, who that particular boyfriend/girlfriend is/was. THEN, you can decide whether becoming friends or mere acquaintances (or strangers) is right for the two of you. It definitely varies, but if you can BOTH manage to have a responsible relationship after, I say go ahead. Perhaps with a little caution and consideration of any new relationships. (I probably won’t be changing my stance with any of my old flames, though.)”

Lydia


28. If your relationship doesn’t mean a lot to you anymore, yes.

“If your relationship doesn’t mean a lot to you anymore and it’s been a long time since you broke up you could be friends. I mean let’s face it, if you’ve been hurt by him you couldn’t forget that in a million years you’ll always have that little dark side that wants revenge each time you talk especially if he wants you back. So I think as long as your previous relationship didn’t mean something at that time nor it does now you could be friends.”

Yasmine


29. If you are both on the same page and don’t have residual feelings for each other it’s comforting to remain friends.

“I am friends with my ex from college. We were off and on for a couple years and it took about a year before we were able to really be friends however it’s been 8 years since we first dated and he is one of my best friends. I think it really depends on what kind of breakup it was. My other ex and I can’t even be in the same room with each other let alone be friends. If you are both on the same page and don’t have residual feelings for each other it’s comforting to remain friends.”

Sarah


30. As long as you can accept that there can never be anything more.

“I think under some situations you can remain friends as long as you can accept that there can never be anything more. I have a ex that I care about and we a both married but I would rather have him and accept him as a friend than lose all contact with him. I always care about him but I have accepted we were not meant to be more and I’m not sad or depressed about it.”

Juliette


31. It depends on the maturity level of your personalities.

“It depends on the maturity level of your personalities. I meant both of you. Breakups are ugly most of the times, and those who are not willing to leave the idea of loving that person again or refrain from the idea that they can’t be loved. Exes can be great friends. But only if you have a clear idea that you two were beautiful together in the idea of past, but not present. Well, at times you may feel like connecting again. But always remember there is a reason why they are your ‘ex’! Personally I do talk, we are content and have realized that we can’t be together. We ask each other about career advice, sometimes personal choice or about health and life. The idea of love has vanished, but friendship is sailing.”

Aniket


32. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an email.

“If the ending of the relationship was ‘good’ (that is, no harsh words or insults were tossed out and both people have come to a mutual understanding of the reason things ended) then talking every once in a while following the first few weeks is okay. The first week, it may not be a good idea to talk to one another because with wounds still fresh, somebody may end up saying something they will later regret. However, after that initial period, it can be helpful to talk once in a while. Now, talking to an ex should not be the same as talking to a significant other. Don’t talk to each other every day, and perhaps not even every week. Once in a while, it is okay to send a text message or an email or even to talk on the phone or in person. Not severing all ties immediately will help both parties to ease into the new situation of being apart. After all, it is difficult to never again see or speak to someone whom you once truly cared for.”

Abby


33. Best to just cut contact.

“Don’t have a good reason to talk. We don’t live in the same state anymore, we dated years ago, we’re both in relationships now, and our relationship didn’t end on good terms. Why risk causing problems for each other by maintaining regular contact? Best to just cut contact.”

yeahokayiguess


34. I just don’t really have any reason to talk to them.

“I just don’t really have any reason to talk to them. It can be good to catch up every couple of years. I wish them the best, and I hope they’re living a good life. But I don’t see why, beyond catching up every now and then, I’d be talking to them.”

armadillaspanish


35. If he doesn’t come back, that tells you the most important thing about everything.

“To everyone suffering through a break-up……don’t call, text, or email him. Especially go see him. trust me, I’ve done it myself and at the end of the day u may think it made you feel better but actually, your convincing him to be with you…..stay strong. Let him come back on his own….if he does, he loves u. how can u know if he loves u if u keep bothering him?…if he doesn’t come back, that tells you the most important thing about everything….it wasn’t meant to be. No matter what happened. Love isn’t supposed to be this way…give yourself a chance to meet someone who will fight for you and your relationship and who will be crazy about being with a girl like you.”

Cristal


36. You will still be emotional and will end up saying something that you regret and make the situation worse.

“This is a dilemma for many and it can be almost impossible to stop yourself from calling your ex after breakup. You should try and stop yourself from doing so I think as you will still be emotional and will end up saying something that you regret and make the situation worse. Also, your ex could say something that makes you even more upset.”

love is hurt


37. Guys, if you broke up, it is over.

“Guys, if you broke up, it is over. Once you’re done you’re done. No matter who broke up you will be doing both a favor by being strong and just toughing it out. Believe me, I come from both sides of the fence. I broke up with guy I cared a lot about but realized that I was not really in love with him. I tried to stay in touch in order to ‘ease him into’ the break up, he guilted me into getting back together, and I spent another grueling six month before I broke up for good. About a year later we reconnected, but without the baggage, and are now good friends with completely separate lives. On the other hand, I was madly in love with a guy, and despite the break-up, I couldn’t keep from emailing (I never called, we communicated via e-mail), and eventually we did sort of got back together, but the dynamics of our relationship has gravely changed. In a word, once you allow yourself to be desperate (and if you call you always are, regardless of what the article say, or how you ‘make’ yourself sound) you surrender any semblance of emotional equality in the relationship, and you have no lost all your bargaining chips. From now on, he will always have the upper hand. Be wise, if it is over, let it go. It will hurt as hell in the beginning, but it WILL get better in time. Don’t be a fool, find someone to love you back and appreciate you. You deserve that.”

Dina TC mark

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