6 Truths: A Reflection On Dating A Bartender
Let’s face it: bartenders are HOT. The minute a man steps foot behind that booze-infested fence, they immediately become attractive. It’s like they release some kind of magic that just triggers sex in our brains. While this makes our lady parts tingle, we have to remember: it makes other ladies’ parts tingle, too.
Which brings me to this reflection. Because we’ve all been under the spell of a bartender.
I’ll be honest; I’m a sucker for a bartender. There are many, many attractive qualities and benefits that make my insides melt. They have to be attractive, witty, confident, and know their way around a fully-stocked bar. It’s part of the job. Say it with me: swooooooooooooon.
Dating a bartender has its upsides for sure. But most of them are used to counterbalance the harsh reality that is, at its core, being on the other side of the bar. Let’s dive in, shall we?
He’s hot; he’s funny; he’s attentive. At the core of the job, bartending is sales. And, if you know anything about sales, a first impression is everything. So naturally, a bar or restaurant is going to put their best guy on the job. He will flirt so you order another round, and he’ll check on you to see if you’re okay. He’ll make you feel like you’re the only one in the room. Remember his impact on your lady parts? That happens to other women, too.
Upside: your arm has some delicious candy to show off when you guys hang out at 4am. Because, let’s face it, that’s usually the only time the two of you are definitely available.
Non-Traditional Work “Day”
Bartenders have odd hours. Because, they need to be there when the rest of us 9-5ers need our fix. So he’s basically always working when you are laying in bed wishing for a cuddle, or looking for a partner to go for a walk with, grab a bite to eat, or just be a lame twosome.
Upside: there’s no shortage of girls’ night out (woo!). You don’t have to worry about him killin’ your vibe when you go paint the town red in your LBD, because he’s busy raking in the bills.
There are exceptions, but most bartenders just “happen” to be single. And, with good reason – because girls at the bar are the worst. I know this, because I am a girl. Lady parts are tingling all around, and Mr. Bartender is center stage. What girlfriend would want her guy in that position? Unless she’s sitting at the bar eyeing him the whole night, he’s been thrown to the wolves. So he gets a lot of attention.
Upside: he’s had plenty of practice, and he really knows what he’s doing in bed. So enjoy the way he knows exactly how, where, and how often to touch you – because you’ll be dreaming about it for days.
Bartenders make a lot of money. Sometimes, I actually wonder why I chose to play in Corporate America, when I could spend my days and nights flirting with increasingly-drunk strangers and make CASH. But then I remember: taxes. Oh, and its never steady. You can’t “guarantee” an amount of money each shift – it’s all based on volume and those increasingly-drunk strangers’ mental math, or their generosity.
Upside: you’ll never need to find an ATM when you’re out for a cash-only brunch. Sugar daddy’s got you covered.
Circle of Friends
Anyone working in the food/beverage industry usually has a pretty large network of others in that same industry. They work the same hours, and they understand each other. Coworker relationships all start around one similarity: you have the same work life in common. So there’s a solid chance that when you guys do go out, its to a bar where he knows EVERYONE. You’ll feel like you’re dating Ryan Gosling with the way he walks in and owns the place. There’s also a strong chance that they will talk about you later, and quickly know all about you.
Upside: while you guys are still on good terms, you just found yourself additional locations to walk in and know the staff, and maybe even receive some perks from that.
His life revolves around alcohol. In more ways than one. You’ve seen it happen – a bartender will buy you a shot, and take one with you. And, its not like in Coyote Ugly, where they pretend to take the shot. They really do it. Quite honestly, I’m pretty sure it’s a requirement to spend 72 percent of your life buzzed if you’re looking to be a bartender.
Upside: he can make you a mean [insert your favorite cocktail here].
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