March 14, 2014

13 Signs You’re A Pizzasexual

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What is the issue?
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I want to live in a world where everyone is free to love whom(or what)ever they choose without judgment. Just let me live my life.

  • A box of pizza is the only thing you want to share your bed with.
  • And when you wake up next to in the morning, you smile at it like, “Oh, I ate the fuck out of you last night” and then go in for more.
  • Your idea of a sext is when someone sends you a picture of pizza they made or ordered for you.
  • You oppose “Prop Ate”, the ban on an individual’s right to marry their pizza.
  • You’re most in the mood for human sex after a night of eating pizza with someone.
  • When you see a particularly delicious piece of pizza, you can’t help but stare. People tell you it’s creepy, but you don’t care. You’re hypnotized.
  • Pizza is the only thing you can truly imagine spending the rest of your life with.
  • When faced with the choice between performing oral sex on a man or a woman, you secretly wish you could just put some pizza in your mouth.
  • Sometimes you encounter a fresh pizza that’s so hot, you can’t handle it.
  • When someone talks about ordering a pizza, you get physically excited. Like, there are tingles. Your pulse races, your vision blurs – suddenly nothing else exists.
  • When you’re out with friends and know you have leftover pizza at home, you find yourself making excuses to leave. It’s not like you can focus on anything they’re saying anyway; you thoughts are consumed with lust for that which awaits you.
  • You talk about pizza more than any human you’re dating.
  • Sometimes you look at a new pizza and it’s just so beautiful, you have to stare at it for a minute, and really take in its perfection, before putting it inside you. TC Mark
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