Lance Armstrong Kinda Sings Radiohead's "Creep"
The unit of measurement has not yet been invented that would adequately measure the miniscule depth of my shit-giving about Lance Armstrong and whatever brand of monkey hormone drugs (that’s right, right?) he was shooting into his eyeballs to win all the special bike prizes. I also really just can’t with Oprah anymore since she broke her own vow and licked on Kardashian klit for a TV special. All this to say: I definitely didn’t watch Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah. And today, that act of apathy is paying off IN SPADES, my friends: Some little saint named Matthijs Vlot made this video that I won’t describe. Just watch. Hint: it involves Radiohead’s “Creep” and your Monday morning getting a little bit better.
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Yo, don’t judge me for getting my eyebrows waxed, you uncivilized sucker!
Your best friend is the person you can confess your deepest fear to as well as your second deepest fear: that the population at large will discover the thing you fear most is accidentally hitting ‘like’ when you are a year and a half deep into your crush’s Instagram.
In an idyllic world of complete emotion control, this might be sound advice. But truth be told, I’m still trying to find out how to do that. It doesn’t matter how often I tell myself nobody has the power to make me feel a certain way, except me.
And I got what I wanted — a dream arrangement that allowed me to live my life without compromises.