Lance Armstrong Kinda Sings Radiohead's "Creep"
The unit of measurement has not yet been invented that would adequately measure the miniscule depth of my shit-giving about Lance Armstrong and whatever brand of monkey hormone drugs (that’s right, right?) he was shooting into his eyeballs to win all the special bike prizes. I also really just can’t with Oprah anymore since she broke her own vow and licked on Kardashian klit for a TV special. All this to say: I definitely didn’t watch Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah. And today, that act of apathy is paying off IN SPADES, my friends: Some little saint named Matthijs Vlot made this video that I won’t describe. Just watch. Hint: it involves Radiohead’s “Creep” and your Monday morning getting a little bit better.
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If you’ve been looking for a chance to say something then this very well could be it.
I wish to God I’d had a list like this when I was 23.
Answer phones better than anyone else has answered phones before. Relay messages so brilliant, they bring people to tears. Turn the coffee run into the choreography of Swan Lake. Become best friends with every intern and every underling and every taxi driver you encounter.
I remember taking the pen and notebook from that woman outside the courtroom, flipping to a clean page in the book, and writing, JESSICA IS SAD in big, bold, uncoordinated letters. “My sister is going to be a good writer someday! Look at how nice her lines are!”