An Interview With A Woman I Met Waiting For The Bathroom
I just met you in line waiting for the bathroom, tell me the story you told me then.
Well, there was a woman who was in there for way too long, you were talking about if she was having a baby in there, and unusual births, and I was saying how I was born in a chicken coop in the Mojave desert.
So what were the events that allowed this miracle birth to take place?
My father was stationed out there at the air force base, they were in a really remote area, they were dirt poor, actually they had a car, but it needed to be parked at the top of a hill, and you needed two people: you needed someone to pop the clutch and you needed a person to be pushing. And my mother was ready.
Where are you from originally?
Rosamond, California. And then I was raised in New York.
Do you date a lot in New York?
Dating in New York…the guys here, when they want you, they let you know. So I think it’s kinda easy. I’ve lived all over the country and the men here approach me in a way they never would…I never have a boyfriend, but in New York I do.
What’s the weirdest way you’ve been approached?
Oh, it’s a really long story. I was shopping and it was in Coconut Grove, Florida, and I had bags of stuff, and I was sitting down on a bus stop because I was tired and taking a rest, and this man sits down next to me and starts chatting me up, and I had no interest in him at all. Eventually, I got up and left. So I went home at the end of the day, I’m unpacking all this stuff and showing it to my boyfriend and there’s a wallet in there. And I look, and I’m assuming it’s the guy who was sitting next to me and I get a phone number and I call him and ask him to come over and get his wallet, and I open the door and he has a diamond ring. He asked me to marry him. That was the weirdest thing ever.
That is legendary! Do you think he bought the diamond ring for you?
He probably carries it around with him! I don’t know! That is weird, right?! That Miami area is just a magnet for kooky people. There was a lot of weird stuff that went down over there.
Do you like kooks?
I want an intellect, I like geniuses. So I’ve gotten both ends of the spectrum. I’ve met totally Kinetic energy, up-all-the-time kinda guys and then real quiet guys. And that doesn’t matter to me. I want there to be some kind of chemistry, I want him to be really bright, and have a sense of adventure.
What’s the craziest adventure you’ve gone on?
Well, the way that I met this boyfriend that I lost my virginity to: I had just moved to Miami, going to University of Miami in 1973…February 1973. It was my first time in Miami and I see a coconut tree and I’m like: oh, I’m gonna shimmy up there and get a coconut. Got it, got back to my apartment, cut it open, cut my finger open really bad. I went running around, I didn’t know one person in the whole state of Florida! Guy in my apartment building bandages me up and invites me to go to this Carnival with him. So we enter this maze, and it’s pitch black, and there are people fucking…smoking pot…just crazy stuff going on in there. You can hear it, you can smell it, you can feel it, but you can’t see a thing. Eventually I sit down and this guy next to me holds my hand and starts making out with me…doesn’t let go of me. And we walk out of the maze, into the light, and look at each other and we’re like: “hey, we did alright!” We ended up being boyfriend and girlfriend.
What was this mystery fella called?
Chat. With a T. He’s a skier. He’s an adventurous person. I think the first or second night I was with him, he has a big party at his house, and invites everybody to go sailing the next day. So we go down to Coconut Grove, to the Marina, we rent some sailboats and I’m on the boat with Chat, and eight other people, and we start going out and he’s like: “ok, who knows how to sail?” We were out there for the whole day, it was amazing! We watched the sun go down and the moon come up, we’re all idiots and we don’t know about sailing! And there’s no wind! So we had to wait for the idiot patrol to come out there and fetch us and tow us back into the harbor, but it was magnificent.
Where is Chat now?
Chat lives in Taos, New Mexico. He built himself a hay-bail house. Lovely view of the mountains. He had a parasailing thing, but fell and cut his foot, and he got the flesh eating virus in the hospital! So they cut away at a lot of muscles in his legs. He got a lot of money from that incident and bought a company. Some kind of excavation thing and just travels now.
Where’s one place you’ve never been that you want to go right now?
Scotland. I love the people. They’re friendly, they have a great sense of humor, and there’s a beer I want to drink there.
What’s it called?
I don’t know! I have it written down in my jewelry box! It starts with an “A”!
A | A | A
If you’ve gotten this far, you’re curious.
When “Wrecking Ball” inspires your alcohol-fueled evening, it is best to keep it to yourself.
On yet another late-night of schoolwork, my friend mused whimsically: “What if your job was to go on vacation all the time? Like if someone just paid you to do vacations for them?”
The online commentariat trades primarily in snark, discourse’s least valuable commodity. Ostensibly, they like to feel like they’re contributing to “the conversation,” but really, they just want to feel good about themselves by putting others down.