All Women In Their Twenties Should Be Gold Diggers

Yeah, I said it out loud. For some reason, mainstream society teaches our little girls since preschool to “marry for love” and not to be a “gold digger”. My question is this Why the fuck not?

To me, the single most attractive quality in a man is success — success comes wealth — they usually go hand in hand. I’m not saying I married my husband for money, because that’s obviously not the case. We aren’t rich by any means, but he had a quality in him that I admired. He was a go-getter.

Nothing turns me off more than a lazy, unambitious, uneducated man living in his parent’s basement at age 32. Disney movies have brainwashed our kids with terms like “follow your heart” and all kinds of nonsense, but the sad reality is that love doesn’t pay the bills. Make decisions with your head, not your heart.

Take one of my best friends from high school, for example. Her mother always taught her to be tolerant and non-judgmental. Now, my dear friend is going on 33 living with a complete bum for the past decade who has never held a job in his life and finally, (begrudgingly), starting a career (part-time) and only because she’s forcing him. He’s way more interested in posting YouTube videos on Facebook all day than making any kind of living. And she’s okay with this. Because she’s in love. THIS IS WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE WORLD, PEOPLE! AND WHY THE DIVORCE RATE IS MORE THAN 50%.

Be fucking judgmental, especially when you’re dating, ladies. You heard me.

I’m sure all you feminist readers are cringing in your hemp dresses and Birkenstocks, but hear me out. When I was interviewing …er… dating, they wouldn’t even be rewarded with a second date if they didn’t have a clear, set direction in life or ambitious goals. I didn’t care how hot he was or how wildly attracted I was to him. If he’s a loser, he’s a loser.

A hot guy is only hot for a certain amount of years before he becomes fat, bald and ugly like everyone else’s husband when you’re 50. Focus on the big picture. If on a first date, a guy reveals that he is a loser, he should automatically become disqualified. Professions with words in them such as “musician” (unless it involves a record deal with major label), “artist”, “writer” (unless he’s a journalist for a major news network or a well-known, best-selling author), “freelance” = game over.

Finding out a guy is unemployed or underemployed should be handled the same way as if he just told you he has herpes. Shake hands and move on. Let’s all stop shaming on our so-called “gold digging” girlfriends because they are simply smart women investing in their future and their future offspring. Who wouldn’t want to have a nice life and not be struggling financially? Certainly not me. I grew up poor and experienced a hard life first-hand. I don’t want to have to tell my kid she can’t have McDonald’s today because Daddy doesn’t get paid this week. Now, if you’re simply marrying for money and can’t stand the guy – that’s something completely different and definitely not what I’m promoting. I’m just saying to expand your horizons.

Stop being so judgmental about looks and sex. Start dating with a Shallow Hal mentality. Set realistic expectations for your relationships because someday you will be old and married with kids and bored of each other, so you might as well make it worth it. You can have all the amazing sex in the world, but if you don’t have a strong foundation of friendship at the end of the day, you’ve got nothing.

RAISE YOUR STANDARDS, LADIES. Laziness is inexcusable. There’s nothing sexier than a confident, independent, successful man who can take care of you for the rest of your life.