Moving In Together Is Not All That You’d Expect It To Be
By Jenn Carroll
When I first started thinking about moving in with my boyfriend, all I could see was the good about it. I no longer had to spend my nights laying in bed texting him or on the phone with him wishing he was cuddled up next to me instead of on the other line of this glowing screen.
There would be so many less chances to meet him except for the times we’d do our separate things with our own friends and families. It meant that we’d never have to cheat each other out of watching episodes of TV shows because we’d always be together to watch it. All I could see was always having the option to have him by my side in times of need.
At first, it was just that. It meant that every night we’d watch Gilmore Girls or Castle together before bed. It meant “good morning” texts became “have a good day” goodbye kisses when we woke up. It meant that we split food shopping costs and decided on every dinner together. It meant someone to help do the laundry with and clean the house and it meant feeling happy all the time. At first, it was the magical dream that all girls have of living with their significant other.
But now, a few months in, the fascination of this new lifestyle has worn off. Things aren’t the same. What it means now is that routine has changed. It means I get a hug and a kiss goodbye in the morning, but texts through the day are scarce. It means we don’t get that chance to talk on the phone.
Seeing his name come up on my phone doesn’t get me excited because it’s most likely a “Can you pick up dinner tonight?” or “What time will you be home?” text instead of a “Miss you and wish I was with you!” text that I’ve been used to receiving in the past.
It means he sees me at my worst days when I need to be alone, but the close living quarters don’t really account for alone time. It means we argue over little things that didn’t matter before like what kind of tooth paste we buy or putting dishes in the dishwasher or who didn’t do the laundry they were supposed to. It means we get on each other’s nerves because we can’t stand to be around each other as much.
What I’ve learned the most though is how wrong my expectations are. Moving in with someone – anyone, significant other or not – calls for a change in your relationship. You have to accept their habits and they have to accept yours. You learn to compromise better than you ever have before. You learn whether living with this person is something you can do or not, and if you can’t, something in your life needs to change.
What I’ve learned the most though is that as relationships progress, how you treat each other changes. The honeymoon stage is obviously over, and while I’ll continue to miss the fact that we’re not excited to see each other anymore because it’s not special.
I’ve also adjusted to my new living arrangement and lifestyle. I’m accepting that it’s not all about what I want and expect, but what we both want and expect instead.