The Difference Between Men And Women
The first, it’s simply one of brute strength. Men, with those big thick muscles. Women, with those dainty pretty ones. Men will talk about this, about how strong they are, and women will just roll their eyes. Men, they just don’t get it.
Men and women, so different. They just can’t get along. Though, what if? What if they touched this part on that part and that part or this part, and did that part touching with whomever they pleased all the time, what if? There’d be too many babies, that’s what. Men and women are different for a reason, so the earth doesn’t get so heavy.
Just how different they are. Women, they don’t like sports, not like men do. Men could watch sports all day and not blink an eye. All that watching, it gives men the most informed opinions so that when they get together and sit in their room of men, stinking of butts, looking at the television, one will say, “Hear me, everyone in the room, know this, there are better ways for that ballplayer to play the sport. Also, each of one of you, listen, there are players which I know about, and will tell you about in detail, which we should have on our sports team. What’s more, there are many other players, who I also know about and who I will also tell you about in time, that we should not have on our sports team. Has everyone heard me on this subject? I hope so, though it doesn’t matter, I’ll say it again later.” Women, on the other hand, women will walk into a room of men watching a sport and ask, “What is that man doing with his uniform so tight?” And, “Why is that man adjusting his testicles so much?” And, “What’s the score, anyway?” Women, they just don’t get sports, not like men get sports. They’d rather be on a nature walk.
Nature, men don’t have time for nature. Men may need to borrow parts of nature in order to get around or to be warm or to eat, but they don’t have time for it. Women feel bad for nature, for all the plants dying, all the lakes drying up, all the animals going extinct. Men don’t care. Men will just fly to Mars, farting on the earth as they leave, if all that stuff ever happens.
Women and men, still so different. Women don’t like sex, not like men do. Men were taught this as little boys and now they know it for sure when they go out, talking to other men about how much sexual intercourse they’ll have with a woman by the next morning. But, then, when they get to the bar, it’s always the same. “Why are you hanging around my area so much?” The woman will say to the man. These advances of his, they’re as old as time itself.
The two of them, however, they’re the same on some things. Both are liars. Men will say, “I just don’t think you and I are right for each other,” when really the man means to say, “I think I could find someone that’s more attractive than you, so that’s what I’m going to do now.” But women will lie, too. Women will say things like, “I just don’t think now’s a good time for a relationship,” when really the woman is trying to say, “You are not as good as I thought you’d be, in so many ways.”
They’re the same on the following as well, both agree that women are more interesting to look at. Men who enjoy looking at other men will sometimes even agree. Women, they simply don’t have hairy sacks of wrinkled skin, stuffed with balls, dangling between their legs. Hairy sacks of wrinkly skin stuffed with balls dangling between someone’s legs? No one likes that. But we put up with it as best we can.
Those things, they’re really the only similarities I know of. The differences, though, the differences between men and women, those could go on and on. And maybe someday I’ll record them. As that’s the most important thing for a man, to be remembered.
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Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.