September 9, 2016

What To Do If You’ve Got A Jealous Boyfriend

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What is the issue?
Elena Montemurro
Elena Montemurro

Having a jealous boyfriend can be hard work. Especially when it’s not anything you’ve done in the present that he’s upset about, but things you’ve done in the past. Specifically, other men you’ve slept with in the past and the type of sex you had.

Some guys find details about their girlfriend’s sexual history extremely difficult to remove from the brain, and can turn almost overnight from a fun-loving charmer into a moody obsessive.

So, in this article, I take a look at the top five reasons why your boyfriend gets angry, upset and judgmental about your past. And maybe by finding out why he’s acting the way he is, you’ll be better equipped to understand where he’s coming from and help him through this difficult time.

1. He lacks confidence in himself

Following on from the above point, he’s only affected by these guys in your past because he lacks a certain amount of confidence in himself. If he had the confidence of Muhammed Ali it’s highly unlikely he’d be worried about who you once got naked with.

Instead, these guys from your past are a threat to him because he thinks they’re better than him somehow.

2. He has a madonna-whore complex

This is where guys divide women up into two camps — those who’d they’d bring round to meet their mother because they’re marriage material, and those they’d keep as far away from her as possible because they’re only good for sex.

The logic being that women are either madonnas or whores — virtuous saints or filthy sinners.

3. He’s been programmed by evolution to hate anyone you once had sex with

Back in the dawn of time, it appears men were programmed to automatically hate anyone else their woman once had sex with. This all ties into paternity issues that are too complex (and boring) to go into here.

But suffice it to say, your boyfriend’s irrational hatred of your sexual history harks back to all those caveman genes still knocking around inside him in the 21st century.

4. He feels inadequate because you have more experience than him

This is a classic cause of retroactive jealousy and is found most often in younger guys. Often they’re completely dumbfounded to learn that their girlfriend has slept with, say, thirty guys by the age of twenty-one, while they’ve only slept with four girls.

This can induce major feelings of inadequacy, especially as society dictates that it’s okay for men to sleep with as many women as they like, but not okay for women to do the same.

5. You’re fueling the fire of his retroactive jealousy

Now I’m not saying it’s ever really a woman’s fault that her guy has turned into an obsessive nut over her sexual history, but sometimes she can fan the flames somewhat by doing things like:

  • meeting up with a former hook-up buddy “just as friends”
  • being overly defensive/coy/mysterious about her sexual past
  • refusing to delete one-night-stands and hook-up buddies from Facebook
  • continually gushing about an ex-boyfriend
  • continually reminiscing about when she was single (and having a ton a casual sex)

What To Do If You’ve Got A Jealous Boyfriend

If you’re sick and tired of the quizzing about your past, judgmental attitude and arguments, here are a few things you can do to help him through his retrograde jealousy.

The first thing is to stop talking about your past. If he asks you about it again, simply deflect the conversation elsewhere, or tell him politely but firmly that you’re not going to talk about it anymore. Tell him that knowing more details won’t help. In fact, it’ll only make his retroactive jealousy disorder a hundred times worse.

Let him know that this is something he needs to work out by himself. The problem is not what you’ve done in the past, but his emotional reaction to it. After all, not all guys would react to your past in the same way as your boyfriend. So tell him as nicely as possible that he should maybe work on his self-confidence and judgmental attitude. Cluing him in on the self-improvement philosophies of people like Noah Hammond, Eckhart Tolle and Leo Gura should work wonders. Meditation, exercise, diet, flow states, learning about the ego, etc. are all practices he should be taking up if wants to start overcoming retroactive jealousy.

So tell him as nicely as possible that he should maybe work on his self-confidence and judgmental attitude. Cluing him in on the self-improvement philosophies of people like Noah Hammond, Eckhart Tolle and Leo Gura should work wonders. Meditation, exercise, diet, flow states, learning about the ego, etc. are all practices he should be taking up if wants to start overcoming retroactive jealousy. TC mark

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