What’s So Bad About Casual Sex?
By Jared Mintz
What is so wrong with having a casual sexual relationship with someone? For the life of me I can’t understand why it’s gotten such a bad rap. Sleeping with someone without wanting to be in a serious committed relationship with them isn’t some heinous act. Truth is, lots of people either aren’t ready to be in a real relationship or else don’t want to be. But I’d guess that a majority of those people, both men and women, still want to get laid.
Is it so impossible that a guy might:
a) think a girl is cool;
b) be sexually attracted to her;
c) treat her well;
and
d) not want to be in a serious relationship?
Who is losing in that situation? Where in the Relationship Handbook does it say we have to get so serious with any possible match? And spare me the “afraid of commitment” stuff. Sometimes commitment feels great; other times you just don’t want to go there.
The term “hook-up culture” has been thrown around so much that society has completely devalued hooking up. The term itself inherently feels cheap to a lot of people. But I disagree that it is. Is it so impossible to have a worthwhile sexual relationship with someone without taking it any further? You get to release some pent-up sexual energy. You get to have a lighthearted, intimate interaction with someone you enjoy hanging out with. You get to learn about yourself and your partner. And you get a shot of excitement in your life. We’re adults; we don’t need to be ashamed about having sex with someone with whom we don’t intend to be monogamous and committed.
Telling a girl you love her just to get into her pants, only to ignore her once you have, is obviously a scumbag thing to do. But having sex with someone with whom you don’t intend to enter into a long-term relationship is not. It all depends on how you act.
The best thing is obviously to put it all out on the table right away: You aren’t looking for anything serious. If the girl isn’t interested in that, no problem. If she is? Great—you go for it and see how things move along. I don’t believe in love at first sight. I think it takes a long time to build a deep connection with someone that leads to something special. But I DO believe in lust at first sight, and sometimes that can be an unintentional foot in the door en route to love. Maybe it develops into something more; maybe it doesn’t. In any case, both parties know what they’re getting involved in.
Be an adult. If you’re sexually attracted to someone and they reciprocate the feeling, then go for it. We tend to overthink things to a fault, whereas sometimes it’s better to just take a shot. Just make sure you aren’t being an asshole about it when you do, and it’ll all work out.