15 Signs You Need To Make A Serious Change In Your Life
1. You hate your job. You’ve hated your job for a long time now. Every time you see your friends, you tell them how much you want to quit but at this point, they’ve stopped believing you. Just do the damn thing already. Yes, it’ll be terrifying at first but so is wasting years of your life doing something you’re not passionate about. No risk, no reward.
2. Your life is the same shit, different day. You can’t remember the last time you did something spontaneous, something that surprised you. YOU ARE TOO YOUNG TO BE THIS BORED.
3. You want to go to a fun party tonight but none of your friends want to go with you/require 7 days advance notice to do anything.
4. You can’t remember the last time you really treated yourself to something special. Sometimes you just have to say screw it and splurge. The best things in life rarely happen when you’re playing by the rules.
5. You feel like you’ve maxed out your potential in the city you currently live. People make a big deal about moving for “the wrong reasons” but sometimes you really do just need to get out of dodge post-haste.
6. Your penis or vagina has been neglected for quite some time now. It’s a borderline orphan at this point. Will someone PLEASE adopt it?
7. You are constantly doing the things that make you feel like shit and going into a shame spiral about it. There’s no learning curve… yet.
8. You spend more time on the Internet than you do with people IRL. This is a common problem among our generation but the sick part is that you don’t entirely hate it.
9. You’ve been hating how out of shape you are for as long as you can remember but, like, YOLO, let’s eat MORE Thai food, baby.
10. You walk around your neighborhood and realize that every block holds significance or some painful memory.
11. You get the feeling that everyone around you is slowly getting their shit together, except for you.
12. You find yourself complaining about the same things you were a year ago.
13. You’re scared of change, even though you know it’s the only thing right now that has the ability to make things better.
14. You spend an inordinate amount of your time freaking out about the things you’re potentially missing out on but are too paralyzed by anxiety to do anything about it.
15. Borderline strangers are starting to worry about you. The barista at the coffee shop is looking at you with sad eyes.
Describe for us the threesome with your OKCupid hookup.
By Larry Hardin
If this doesn’t become the biggest video on the Internet, then I have no faith left in humanity.
By Rob Fee
I’m about to finish up my sophomore fall of college, and friends from home are getting married and having babies and sufficiently freaking me out.
He was a perfect date. I later got drunk and hacked his phone (who uses their birth year for a password? It was 1986, by the way #teamcougar). What I found was a text to a Kristina explaining his aforementioned sex dream he’d had about her while sleeping next to me in a luxurious hotel bed.
By Meg Beyer