1. Calls you out on your bullshit. A best friend does not hesitate to tell you when you’re acting insane or behaving like an asshole. Although you’ll initially act offended by their candor, you should actually be touched. The people who love you the most are also the ones who won’t let you get away with anything. Don’t forget that.
2. Acts as a great wingman/woman. They will go to the bars with you when you’re single and not sabotage a potential love connection. In fact, they’ll help push it along until their services are no longer needed and then they’ll conveniently disappear. Just like a mother dropping their kids off at school! Or something.
3. Understands all of your weird pop culture references. You don’t even need to speak proper English in front of them. Your friendship is so close that it will give birth to an entirely new way of speaking.
4. Will never make you feel guilty for needing them. You’re never putting them out with your issues. They want to help you. They don’t see you as a burden.
5. Is actually happy for you when good things happen in your life. And not phony “OMG, SOOOO GREAT/kill me now!” They want to see you happy, even if it means that you’ll see each other less because of a new relationship or job or whatever.
6. Will put up with you even when you’re dating a total jerk. You can say your peace about the relationship once so they know how you feel but you can’t pull a Lauren Conrad and constantly interfere. They’ll realize that their significant other is a total tool on their own time.
7. A best friend should never make you feel any different than who you really are. You know how certain friends can subtly alter your personality? A true BFF doesn’t do that. They just enhance all of the great parts of you. Hanging out with them should feel like the most comfortable thing ever, like a Snuggie.
8. A best friend is the first person to start cleaning up the mess when you throw a house party.
9. Will always be down to gossip with you and shit talk. They won’t make you feel like a bad person for wanting to do so either. Please. A best friend who doesn’t talk crap? Someone press the snooze button.
10. Will never make you feel dumb for the things you want to do. In fact, they should be there by your side doing the dumb thing right with you. No judgment!
11. Will always hold your hair back when you vomit. That is friendship 101, you guys.
12. Will challenge you. Sometimes it’s not easy to be around someone who knows you so well. Sometimes all you want is to be with someone you don’t know very well and get fed lies. When you’re going through a hard time/self-destructing especially, a best friend can be the last person you want to be around because they know when something is up with you. They won’t give you the luxury of living in denial, which might be annoying at the time, but it’s obviously a good thing ultimately. Best friends don’t enable, they inspire. (I think I read that on a bumper sticker once.)
13. Is easily adaptable. You can take them to an intimidating, chic soiree or a disgusting house party and you won’t have to worry about entertaining them or making sure that they’re having a good time. They’re cool.
14. Will answer honestly when you ask if an outfit makes them look… less than their ideal self.
15. Will be loyal to you but not to a psycho degree. For example, I’ve never understood the mentality of “If this person is your enemy, then they’re my enemy.” Um, no? I don’t think that’s how it should work. Hating someone is an exhausting full-time job. Why should you be adding people to the list at random?
16. Will let you fart in front of them. Duh.
17. Can sit in silence with you for hours at a time without feeling any pressure to talk. Ah, what a gift! With so many friends, you feel such anxiety about keeping the conversation going so it’s such a pleasure when you can invite someone over and just be like, “Hi, I want to watch TV today but not alone. Can you just come over and hang out without actually talking to me that much? Love ya.”
18. Best friends pick you up from the motherfucking airport.
19. Should have no qualms with seeing you naked whenever/wherever.
20. Can make anything fun. It doesn’t matter if it’s at a party or on an overnight train to Nowheresville. You can make any situation a blast.
21. Will always make you feel loved and safe. Best friends just get “it”.